My biggest fear that the end of summer brings every year is the almost instant depression i let myself fall into. I drink more, I hate more, I live less. Its all something i bring upon myself. Its not a genetic predisposition. I hit the time of year where I get to reflect on the bad choices i have made in my life, and how I'm not the only one who has to suffer from it. Mostly it has to do with money. Some of it has to do with not being where i would like to be as far as my life goals. I didn't set many, so I have reached most of them by now. The biggest thing that gets me is the fact that my wife has to work. I understand it is 2010 almost. Women should have carreers if they want to have one. I know that she doesn't mind to work, but i would love it if she could work because she can, and chooses to. It kills me that she can't dive into becoming what she wants to be head first because we can't afford for her to not make the money she makes.
I talk with my parents about this from time to time. When i was growing up they struggled alot worse than we do. My dad never complained one time, nor did my mother. When I get really down in the dumps, my mom always tells me to suck it up and that I only get what I work for. I always have something to come back with like, " i work my fucking ass off and don't have shit to show for it". This makes her furious, mostly because i honestly have an easy job, a beautiful wife and child, an amazing circle of friends, a house, and a scene that is such that no matter what kind of show or who is playing, i never feel like I am there alone. She's alot smarter than I give her credit for. Sometimes I act like she is batshit crazy, but she holds it down no matter the circumstance. I love my mother.
For about a year now I have been entertaining the idea of going to school to cut hair. I wanted to do it when i was younger, but I didn't pursue it because I felt it wasn't a masculine enough job for a guy. I was closed minded and kind of sexist i guess. I can blame whatever i want for the feelings, but it was stupid to attatch a gender roll to something that could potentially be a good career. As I grew older, I guess I started understanding that gender rolls were shit, marriages were partnerships, not ownerships. Anyway, I was discussing this with my dad a few weeks ago and trying to figure out how i was going to pay for the school.
This past week my mom called to let me know that they had finally paid off thier house. My dad was actually in tears when he cut the last check. When mom was telling me about this it hit me. This guy has worked his ass off since he was 14 to make his own way. His dad died when he was 15. He has scraped to get by and has provided for everyone no matter what since then. He fanally has something that he owns. He is stoked. I am very happy for him. He offered to pay for me to go to school as long as I stick with it and finish. In a way, I am kind of ashamed that i am this old and my father is paying for me to go to school. On the other hand I know how excited he is to help me.
Going to school is going to be awesome and weird. The best part is that I have a new set of goals. I have a new "this is where i want to be in 5 years" plan. I am scared shitless to think of how i'm going to pay for insurance and all of that good stuff. In a weird way, it is an excited scary.
I dunno.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Alpha Centauri
For some reason this song is stuck in my head today. I used to have a great uncle who was my favorite person in my family. He passed on when I was 19 or so, This song was for him.
Don't look down now, you're close than a miracle.
And I would be so selfish to say, that I wish you were you here
and as bright as your smile is, Tomorrow,
I'll let the morning come and Kiss my face
and I cannot help but smile.
and better yet, you're last words weren't good bye
But man, I'll see you soon.
and as breathing gets shallow, you rest with a smile.
Did you see angels comforting you?
and if this song could hold words
heaven coudl not hold the pages,
could i say this is not an option
its all that i know.
Lift your head to the sky, you rest with a smile
did you see angels coming for you.
and better yet
your last words weren't goodbye but i'll see you soon.
Don't look down now,
you're closer than a miracle.
and i would be selfish to say, that i wish you were here
and bright as your smile is, tomorrow,
i'll let the morning come and kiss my face.
And I cannot help but smile.
Don't look down now, you're close than a miracle.
And I would be so selfish to say, that I wish you were you here
and as bright as your smile is, Tomorrow,
I'll let the morning come and Kiss my face
and I cannot help but smile.
and better yet, you're last words weren't good bye
But man, I'll see you soon.
and as breathing gets shallow, you rest with a smile.
Did you see angels comforting you?
and if this song could hold words
heaven coudl not hold the pages,
could i say this is not an option
its all that i know.
Lift your head to the sky, you rest with a smile
did you see angels coming for you.
and better yet
your last words weren't goodbye but i'll see you soon.
Don't look down now,
you're closer than a miracle.
and i would be selfish to say, that i wish you were here
and bright as your smile is, tomorrow,
i'll let the morning come and kiss my face.
And I cannot help but smile.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Is Growing up Giving in?
So,
Outside of getting married, and the usual. I have been activly trying not to grow up for the past 25 years. Thats not to say I don't take my responsibilities seriously, because I do, but I still feel I am at a good point between maturity, and immaturity. I guess part of me fears that if I grow up, I will lose interest in the handfull of things that bring me so much joy.
There is another part of me, deep inside my brain, that feels that maybe, if I lose my youth, I will lose touch with my sense of humor and compassion. I am a huge ballbreaker, and I pick on my friends fairly often, but in the same sense any time they hurt for any reason, a part of me hurts with them. I recently found out that someone that I went to school with when I was young had passed away. When I found out how, I had this lump in my throat, and knot in my stomach for 2 days. It felt as if, just by hearing about it, I was given just a taste of the darkness this person felt in thier life. I wouldn't consider myself a friend of this person, we haven't spoke in probably over 8 years. We used to go to the YMCA day camp in Erwin together. No matter how small of a role, or how large, people who were a part of a memory, even if they only had a walk on part, still complete it. Deep down I have this fear that as the people in my life fade away, they will take parts of that memory with them, like the foundation of a house crumbling.
All of this aside, natural progression of young adulthood in our society molds you into a certain category like it or not. That doesn't really bother me that much. I don't really try to change the things I do, unless I know that it has a deffinate negative effect on me. I try to focus on how my daughter is going to see me when she's old enough to start building her own personality. There is a good medium, I believe. I don't want to be the father that is trying to impress all of his kids 16 year old friends by smoking pot with them and accidentally leaving a 6 pack in the garage. Its funny, all of the dads/older guys I thought kicked so much ass when I was younger, are the same guys that I see now and wonder how they have survived this long.
All in all, I guess growing up isn't such a bad thing. We had a cookout at my house on friday and it was mostly couples that we have been friends with before they were couples. They either had kids, had kids on the way, or were on thier way to being on thier way in a few years. You know the one. It was different, it wasn't like it used to be when we would all bring a pack of hotdogs and an old english 40 and trash, and act like kids. For some reason, I had this sense of pride about how clean the house needed to be, How well the food was presented, and if there would be enough. It wasn't just that I was hosting the cookout, but I actually gave a crap about planning it. At one point when I had put my daughter down to sleep for the night, and returned to the porch to hang out with everyone, it hit me. I'm not a kid anymore, in fact, I feel like a grown up quite a bit. Most of all, I was happy. I realized that there is no place I would rather be.
Outside of getting married, and the usual. I have been activly trying not to grow up for the past 25 years. Thats not to say I don't take my responsibilities seriously, because I do, but I still feel I am at a good point between maturity, and immaturity. I guess part of me fears that if I grow up, I will lose interest in the handfull of things that bring me so much joy.
There is another part of me, deep inside my brain, that feels that maybe, if I lose my youth, I will lose touch with my sense of humor and compassion. I am a huge ballbreaker, and I pick on my friends fairly often, but in the same sense any time they hurt for any reason, a part of me hurts with them. I recently found out that someone that I went to school with when I was young had passed away. When I found out how, I had this lump in my throat, and knot in my stomach for 2 days. It felt as if, just by hearing about it, I was given just a taste of the darkness this person felt in thier life. I wouldn't consider myself a friend of this person, we haven't spoke in probably over 8 years. We used to go to the YMCA day camp in Erwin together. No matter how small of a role, or how large, people who were a part of a memory, even if they only had a walk on part, still complete it. Deep down I have this fear that as the people in my life fade away, they will take parts of that memory with them, like the foundation of a house crumbling.
All of this aside, natural progression of young adulthood in our society molds you into a certain category like it or not. That doesn't really bother me that much. I don't really try to change the things I do, unless I know that it has a deffinate negative effect on me. I try to focus on how my daughter is going to see me when she's old enough to start building her own personality. There is a good medium, I believe. I don't want to be the father that is trying to impress all of his kids 16 year old friends by smoking pot with them and accidentally leaving a 6 pack in the garage. Its funny, all of the dads/older guys I thought kicked so much ass when I was younger, are the same guys that I see now and wonder how they have survived this long.
All in all, I guess growing up isn't such a bad thing. We had a cookout at my house on friday and it was mostly couples that we have been friends with before they were couples. They either had kids, had kids on the way, or were on thier way to being on thier way in a few years. You know the one. It was different, it wasn't like it used to be when we would all bring a pack of hotdogs and an old english 40 and trash, and act like kids. For some reason, I had this sense of pride about how clean the house needed to be, How well the food was presented, and if there would be enough. It wasn't just that I was hosting the cookout, but I actually gave a crap about planning it. At one point when I had put my daughter down to sleep for the night, and returned to the porch to hang out with everyone, it hit me. I'm not a kid anymore, in fact, I feel like a grown up quite a bit. Most of all, I was happy. I realized that there is no place I would rather be.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Days are getting shorter
I think we may offically be in the "dog days" of summer. I can never really remember when that is. I just know that its getting dark earlier. Soon it will be dark when I leave work, and I will wake up only 2 hours before work. This puts me at seeing daylight in the order of 9:40-9:52(drive to work), 11:30-11:45, 2:15- 2:45, and 4:30-4:45, A grand total of 1 hour and 12 minutes to feel the sun warm my bones and bring color to my face. Somehow the though of this lets my own demons creep on in. Suddenly there is a weight back on my shoulders that makes it harder to breathe. My motivation to enjoy what I have left of summer is killed by the thought that in a few weeks it will be over, and my weekly fishing trip will ultimatly turn into my weekly trip to the bar to drink, and bitch about my job and family to my friends, even though I love both.
I don't know why, in spite of my own effords to not fall into it, a certain darkness has consumed much of my thought process and at times my attitude and overall existance. Its a wierd mix of melancholy, hatred, and worry. I see it all around me in the faces of my friends, strangers, and pseudo enemies. Two and three years ago we were all happy go lucky. We weren't super posi, but nobody had this flavor of darkness to them.
I saw Pillarist for the first time on wed. Killer band, they were awesome for thier first show. Luke has great stage presence, and a great voice. The bands music has a shai hulud-esque intensity which I love in a band. Luke's last words of the set were "God Damn Me" Luke and I aren't best buds, but I know how much he pours into what he writes. It hit me like a ton of bricks, and made me hurt for him. Art in any form is meant to envoke emotion. If it does evoke emotion then it has fufilled its porpose. It kills me though. Is my generation going to swim in this cesspool of self loathing and depression untill we self Destruct?
I have no light at the end of the tunnel. I cannot say that I do not have have unwarranted hatred for everyone that keeps an unprovoked smile on thier faces from time to time. I have such a strong love for all of my friends and my family and humanity in general, but with that, I have my own demons that I fight. I will do what I to keep them at bay, so I can be there for anyone who needs me at any time. To truly be a drink of water to a world of bitter tongues. In the mean time I will struggle with my own faith, the one thing that I doubt on a daily basis, that I say i believe in, and that i say i do not believe in, sometimes is the only thing that is real to me.
Man made Religion, and by God, Religion has failed. God Created faith, Faith will prevail.
I don't know why, in spite of my own effords to not fall into it, a certain darkness has consumed much of my thought process and at times my attitude and overall existance. Its a wierd mix of melancholy, hatred, and worry. I see it all around me in the faces of my friends, strangers, and pseudo enemies. Two and three years ago we were all happy go lucky. We weren't super posi, but nobody had this flavor of darkness to them.
I saw Pillarist for the first time on wed. Killer band, they were awesome for thier first show. Luke has great stage presence, and a great voice. The bands music has a shai hulud-esque intensity which I love in a band. Luke's last words of the set were "God Damn Me" Luke and I aren't best buds, but I know how much he pours into what he writes. It hit me like a ton of bricks, and made me hurt for him. Art in any form is meant to envoke emotion. If it does evoke emotion then it has fufilled its porpose. It kills me though. Is my generation going to swim in this cesspool of self loathing and depression untill we self Destruct?
I have no light at the end of the tunnel. I cannot say that I do not have have unwarranted hatred for everyone that keeps an unprovoked smile on thier faces from time to time. I have such a strong love for all of my friends and my family and humanity in general, but with that, I have my own demons that I fight. I will do what I to keep them at bay, so I can be there for anyone who needs me at any time. To truly be a drink of water to a world of bitter tongues. In the mean time I will struggle with my own faith, the one thing that I doubt on a daily basis, that I say i believe in, and that i say i do not believe in, sometimes is the only thing that is real to me.
Man made Religion, and by God, Religion has failed. God Created faith, Faith will prevail.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
New Direction
I'm going to start taking this blog in a new direction. I am going to assume that those of you who actually read this know me personally and have read other posts. For a while, at least, I'm going to dedicate this to writing new lyrics. Some i may put to music, Most will stay here forever and nothing will ever be done with them. Either way, I want to share them with you.
The first picture I can see from my earliest memory
Is riding over the bridge where the river split the states.
My father packed all we owned in a 5x8 Uhaul
And we pulled that wagon south in a blue dodge omni
Le Claire to Knoxville to Watts barr in a 5 speed compact car
Goodbye Iowa, Hello Tennessee...
Chicago..northwestern couldn't afford us in 89, the year of our lord ya.
so we moved on to better things..
I saw the old man run through a bottle of whiskey 'till he was crawling on the ground
when things were at their worst, he refused to let it kill him. And one day,
he layed that bottle down, and never looked back.
We lived in trailors, apartments, and floors, to a house with a screened in porch. We never went without, and I was never in need.
Paying dues, for the union's sake, To going camping down by the lake, and we never once were to busy to blink.
And when i was 8 we bought a house just a couple of blocks from downtown, and he re hammered every nail one room at a time. His heart stopped in the crawl space in the fall of 92
but he was back to grindstone in no time, I guess he just wasn't through
Crawling through mud and oil and coal, Colored black from his head to his toes. and never once did i hear him complain.
Never stuttered never lied, a thousand times more stubborn than I.
More stubborn than I
The first picture I can see from my earliest memory
Is riding over the bridge where the river split the states.
My father packed all we owned in a 5x8 Uhaul
And we pulled that wagon south in a blue dodge omni
Le Claire to Knoxville to Watts barr in a 5 speed compact car
Goodbye Iowa, Hello Tennessee...
Chicago..northwestern couldn't afford us in 89, the year of our lord ya.
so we moved on to better things..
I saw the old man run through a bottle of whiskey 'till he was crawling on the ground
when things were at their worst, he refused to let it kill him. And one day,
he layed that bottle down, and never looked back.
We lived in trailors, apartments, and floors, to a house with a screened in porch. We never went without, and I was never in need.
Paying dues, for the union's sake, To going camping down by the lake, and we never once were to busy to blink.
And when i was 8 we bought a house just a couple of blocks from downtown, and he re hammered every nail one room at a time. His heart stopped in the crawl space in the fall of 92
but he was back to grindstone in no time, I guess he just wasn't through
Crawling through mud and oil and coal, Colored black from his head to his toes. and never once did i hear him complain.
Never stuttered never lied, a thousand times more stubborn than I.
More stubborn than I
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Expected to reach pandemic levels
How many of you out there just finished washing your hands? Do you have a bottle of germicide in your pocket/purse? Have you seen people who are wearing those ridiculous masks to not catch this new H1N1 virus?
At what point did fear become the motivator of cleanliness? We should all be mindful of bacteria that can make us sick and watsh our hands/clean up after ourselves regularly. There comes a point where we do things compulsively. Remember the anthrax scare in the early 2000's?
We were sure that somehow Saddamn Huessein himself was going to poison every warm blooded american with this disease that, per usual, People were running around in medical masks. There were even people who were taking antibiotics to "boost their defenses" against the virus, and doctors were prescribing it! People who had no illness and no exposure were taking sipro so they wouldn't get the virus. I'm no doctor, but i'm pretty sure that taking antibiotics when you do not need them build up your immunity to the antibiotics, and if you were to get sick, they wouldn't help you as much as if you had drank your orange juice and took your vitatmans.
Soon after that we had Sars, and honestly I'm not even sure what the hell Sars did. I know that the company we got our cds from had to put ours on backorder for a minute because someone there was infected before they sent us the cds. Next came the H5N1 (bird flu) virus. This was supposed to reach bubonic plague proportions. Jesus Christ himself wouldnt' have been able to stop this killer. You saw graphic videos on the news of bulldozers just plowing through piles and piles of dead poultry pushing it toward the giant bonfire. So people once again dawned masks and gloves everywhere they went. Maybe they didn't want to get bulldozed into a fire.
in my era (that i can remember)
we have had a handfull of things that we should be very afraid of here's a list
1.jack in the box e coli scare.
2. Salmonela scare
3. Mad Cow Diseases
4. Foot and Mouth virus
5. Swimming pool filters pullilng your intestines out of your ass if you sit on them.
6. Sars
7. bird flu
8. anthrax
9. global warming
10. Polar ice cap melting
11. swine flu
12. Islamic terrorism
13. Radon
14. Cabon Monoxide (the silent killer)
I'm just saying, There is life and there is death. Things can kill you, who cares. Your car could burst into flames while you are driving today. Are you going to avoid driving? Just take minor precatutions like you do with everything else. You dont' shoot bottle rockets while you are pumping gas, or stand in water while working on an electrical outlet with the juice on. Its common sense. Wash your hands don't worry about it.
This swine flu is going to blow over faster than $4 a gallon gasoline. You could just as easily drop dead stroke or heart attack. Live a little bit, and unless you have an immunal difficiency get rid of the mask.
At what point did fear become the motivator of cleanliness? We should all be mindful of bacteria that can make us sick and watsh our hands/clean up after ourselves regularly. There comes a point where we do things compulsively. Remember the anthrax scare in the early 2000's?
We were sure that somehow Saddamn Huessein himself was going to poison every warm blooded american with this disease that, per usual, People were running around in medical masks. There were even people who were taking antibiotics to "boost their defenses" against the virus, and doctors were prescribing it! People who had no illness and no exposure were taking sipro so they wouldn't get the virus. I'm no doctor, but i'm pretty sure that taking antibiotics when you do not need them build up your immunity to the antibiotics, and if you were to get sick, they wouldn't help you as much as if you had drank your orange juice and took your vitatmans.
Soon after that we had Sars, and honestly I'm not even sure what the hell Sars did. I know that the company we got our cds from had to put ours on backorder for a minute because someone there was infected before they sent us the cds. Next came the H5N1 (bird flu) virus. This was supposed to reach bubonic plague proportions. Jesus Christ himself wouldnt' have been able to stop this killer. You saw graphic videos on the news of bulldozers just plowing through piles and piles of dead poultry pushing it toward the giant bonfire. So people once again dawned masks and gloves everywhere they went. Maybe they didn't want to get bulldozed into a fire.
in my era (that i can remember)
we have had a handfull of things that we should be very afraid of here's a list
1.jack in the box e coli scare.
2. Salmonela scare
3. Mad Cow Diseases
4. Foot and Mouth virus
5. Swimming pool filters pullilng your intestines out of your ass if you sit on them.
6. Sars
7. bird flu
8. anthrax
9. global warming
10. Polar ice cap melting
11. swine flu
12. Islamic terrorism
13. Radon
14. Cabon Monoxide (the silent killer)
I'm just saying, There is life and there is death. Things can kill you, who cares. Your car could burst into flames while you are driving today. Are you going to avoid driving? Just take minor precatutions like you do with everything else. You dont' shoot bottle rockets while you are pumping gas, or stand in water while working on an electrical outlet with the juice on. Its common sense. Wash your hands don't worry about it.
This swine flu is going to blow over faster than $4 a gallon gasoline. You could just as easily drop dead stroke or heart attack. Live a little bit, and unless you have an immunal difficiency get rid of the mask.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
back in the day is back
Remember back when you were a new comer to whatever it is you do now? Your first day on the job, the first show you booked, the first time you kissed a girl/guy, went to a big concert, tried to find your class in a new school, got your drivers liscense, or cashed your first paycheck?
This is all trivial stuff to you at one point. After a while it becomes routine and the new wears off, and your pulse doesn't increase at the thought of it. That doesn't take away from the fact that all of these things are important aspects of your everyday life, they just take the backseat to the stress and responsibility that we take on as we get older.
The person i have to take my hat off to for taking it so easy is Marcus. That guy is one of my favorite people out. He is probably one of the best musicians in the area, he has never wanted to be in a big touring band, or be that serious with his music. Honestly I think that he has gained more enjoyment out of playing music than anyone else because of this. He still skateboards, plays four square, and all around just hangs out the same way that I did when I was a younger guy. The thing is, he has his shit together better than most other people do. I have to applaud him for that.
I have recently started fishing more often like I did when i was a kid. Every day that I can I go to the lake. Its not that i plan on landing the big one. I have a special sense of solitude when i go out. I don't have to think about anything, and I get to soak up the sun for just a little bit. That makes me feel great. I work 40 hours inside a call center. I smell stale recycled air all day long. I don't sweat, I don't freeze, i stay at a perfect core temperature. Its nice, don't get me wrong, but I feel locked in sometimes. Being outside golfing, fishing, riding my bicycle, whatever makes me feel human. I suggest it.
I guess what i'm getting at today is, to my group of friends and others, What did you love to do when it was just you. Before we started enjoying staying out late and drinking our livers out, and smoking our memory away? What did you love before you had to clean up and start chasing girls/guys. What did you love when it was just you and you weren't a part of something bigger? Before hanging out meant going to amigo and eating a plate of nachos and telling shitty jokes to each other?
Think of this, remember when we didn't have many good shows here? Remember one out of 3 of your friends had a reliable car? Remember everyone piling in to that one car and driving to charlotte to see Bleeding Through, and Walls of Jericho? It was fun, driving with the windows down, the sun beating in. Or there being that one fest out of the year that you saved your dollars for and driving 8-12 hours to go to Cornerstone, Hellfest, New England M/hc fest. These are a few things i can think of off the top of my head. Either way, this was before we stayed out all night and partied constantly. It was less stressful. I had more hair, Girls weren't crying everywhere we went for no reason. It reminds me of my youth.
There is nothing wrong with where we are today. We, for the most part, still embrace our youth. This town has so much more to do in it now than it ever has before. I do, however, have a request for you. Only you will be the one who has something to gain from it. This year, i don't care how busy you are. Take time to think about what you love to do that is outside of your norm now. Go fishing, Go hiking, take a road trip, plan a cookout, go to a swimming hole. Have a LAN party, whatever. We live in such a beautiful part of the country there is no reason to stay couped up in a house unless you just absolutely hate nature. Do something you love.
We see in three dimensions, but how many angles? If your life were a movie, and every scene had a different camera taking shots from a different angle, How much of it would you be able to watch without falling asleep? If the movie were called "Life" would it be an oxymoron? Would you find that you aren't living at all? How big would the cast be? How many charachters would have a big role? How many other movies would you have a big role in?
How many of these would you have a "walk on part, in a background shot of a movie you're not in?"
Life is the most important part.
Second is how you live it.
I get by with a little help from my friends.
This is all trivial stuff to you at one point. After a while it becomes routine and the new wears off, and your pulse doesn't increase at the thought of it. That doesn't take away from the fact that all of these things are important aspects of your everyday life, they just take the backseat to the stress and responsibility that we take on as we get older.
The person i have to take my hat off to for taking it so easy is Marcus. That guy is one of my favorite people out. He is probably one of the best musicians in the area, he has never wanted to be in a big touring band, or be that serious with his music. Honestly I think that he has gained more enjoyment out of playing music than anyone else because of this. He still skateboards, plays four square, and all around just hangs out the same way that I did when I was a younger guy. The thing is, he has his shit together better than most other people do. I have to applaud him for that.
I have recently started fishing more often like I did when i was a kid. Every day that I can I go to the lake. Its not that i plan on landing the big one. I have a special sense of solitude when i go out. I don't have to think about anything, and I get to soak up the sun for just a little bit. That makes me feel great. I work 40 hours inside a call center. I smell stale recycled air all day long. I don't sweat, I don't freeze, i stay at a perfect core temperature. Its nice, don't get me wrong, but I feel locked in sometimes. Being outside golfing, fishing, riding my bicycle, whatever makes me feel human. I suggest it.
I guess what i'm getting at today is, to my group of friends and others, What did you love to do when it was just you. Before we started enjoying staying out late and drinking our livers out, and smoking our memory away? What did you love before you had to clean up and start chasing girls/guys. What did you love when it was just you and you weren't a part of something bigger? Before hanging out meant going to amigo and eating a plate of nachos and telling shitty jokes to each other?
Think of this, remember when we didn't have many good shows here? Remember one out of 3 of your friends had a reliable car? Remember everyone piling in to that one car and driving to charlotte to see Bleeding Through, and Walls of Jericho? It was fun, driving with the windows down, the sun beating in. Or there being that one fest out of the year that you saved your dollars for and driving 8-12 hours to go to Cornerstone, Hellfest, New England M/hc fest. These are a few things i can think of off the top of my head. Either way, this was before we stayed out all night and partied constantly. It was less stressful. I had more hair, Girls weren't crying everywhere we went for no reason. It reminds me of my youth.
There is nothing wrong with where we are today. We, for the most part, still embrace our youth. This town has so much more to do in it now than it ever has before. I do, however, have a request for you. Only you will be the one who has something to gain from it. This year, i don't care how busy you are. Take time to think about what you love to do that is outside of your norm now. Go fishing, Go hiking, take a road trip, plan a cookout, go to a swimming hole. Have a LAN party, whatever. We live in such a beautiful part of the country there is no reason to stay couped up in a house unless you just absolutely hate nature. Do something you love.
We see in three dimensions, but how many angles? If your life were a movie, and every scene had a different camera taking shots from a different angle, How much of it would you be able to watch without falling asleep? If the movie were called "Life" would it be an oxymoron? Would you find that you aren't living at all? How big would the cast be? How many charachters would have a big role? How many other movies would you have a big role in?
How many of these would you have a "walk on part, in a background shot of a movie you're not in?"
Life is the most important part.
Second is how you live it.
I get by with a little help from my friends.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
iron sharpens iron
We all like to think that we would go out on a limb and help out anyone in need. Especially our friends. If you are anything like me, you hold your true friends close to your heart as if they were you brother or sister, and your aquaintences you view as friends that you aren't that close to, but would still help them however you possibly could at any time. Sometimes bridges are burned, and you don't speak for a while. This ultimately comes full circle when you decide at one point that you either don't need the baggage of that person, or you decide that they are important enough to you to make amends any means neccesary.
One example I have involves one of the poeple that I have been close to for almost 10 years now. In 2005 or 06 we had a falling out that was horrible. Some things that didn't involve him built up to a point where, since we hadn't been honest with each other and discussed the matter at hand for one reason or another, he was forced to choose sides on something that, had I been in his shoes I would have done the same thing, and had he been in my shoes he would have probably reacted the same way. In a total moment of anger and frustration I attacked everything that made him the person that I honestly loved him for being. That night was the last time we spoke untill, I guess, January of 2008. Through bull headedness, I lost 2 years with one of my best friends in life. We still aren't as close as we used to be, that hurts my soul.
On another level, however, you have to ask yourself how far would you go for a friend. How badly would you inconvenience yourself? Dan Erb, even though he is a hot head, is the most outgoing person I've ever met that was sincere about it. One time a few years ago, on a night that he should have gone to bed early because he had to work the next morning at like 7, he decided it would be a better idea to throw a birthday party for a couple of girls that we are friends with. After all those chicks got good and loaded we all decided to go home. I lived all the way on the west side of town, and he lived on the southeast side. Well, I ran out of gas like a mile from my house. Dan, at 3 a.m. drives over to where i'm broke down. Then, stays with my zombie drunk wife while I take his car to the gas station to get gas. I get back and he's holding her hair back while she's throwing up. Never one time did he say, you owe me one.
Here's where it gets tricky. 7 years ago when i had my first place, I would have let anybody stay with me that needed to. Wether or not i knew them that well, If they needed a place to crash, I would have offered it. As I got older, I gained more responsibility, and less room in my places. I would still let most bands stay with me if they needed it, or friends that were traveling through, but I couldn't offer anything to just anyone. Now with a wife and a child, and after being burned by people who have stayed with me in the past, I get antsy when people are at my house for more than like an hour or so at a time other than Rogers or Joey or any of my crew of friends. I also find myself with less time to be able to directly help people right away when they need it. I can always talk, but I can't always meet up somewhere, or come get people. Honestly most of my friends never ask.
Is it normal to become more of an intravert the older you get? Is it progression of human beings to go back into the coccoon? The older I get, the more I hold dear the few times that I do get to hang out and act like a kid. Now, moreso than ever, I feel like I live a double life. By day i'm a working father. I go to the grocery store, I work on my budget, I mow the yard, I cook dinner and take care of my little girl. Then every couple of weeks I get to be, for a couple of hours, an obnoxious drunk punk kid that I love to be. Both of these guys are the real me, how is that possible? I have alot more fun with my friends now too. I feel like I'm closer to alot of people than I ever have been. I guess they remind me of the things I love in life that aren't a part of me as a family man.
People give kids shit about how "it doesn't matter, in 2 years you'll be gone, and the hardcore scene will still be here, and i will still be here". I get frustrated when I see that. I know however, the reason this is said isn't because of something as miniscule as a simple show, with a band singing about stuff you agree with, its the fact that the comradery that comes with the sing-a-longs and the relationships that are built with the kids that attend can change like the wind. Its hard to put alot of stock in someone that is going to ride the tailcoat of whatever new trend they find and assemble a new entourage of friends with it. Nobody is going to tell you that, but deep down, the older guys that hang out are just sick of having to actively meet new friends ever 2 or three years. Being skeptical of new people is a defense against being let down.
I've been a good friend to alot of people, I think. I have also been a shitty friend to people and, at times, haven't went out of my way for the people that i really care about, and should go that extra mile for. This week, take some time to sit and think about what you could do to be a better friend to someone. Think about how much everybody that you love truely means to you.
Our only necessities in life are
Food
Clothing
Shelter.
You can get by on that, but it will be long and drawn out. Especially when you can get by with a little help from your friends.
The most important is life itself. Second in line is how you live it.
John Gibson, Joey, Eric, Brian, Dan, Tarvo, Wes, Ben, Derek, Chris, Will
This one's for you.
One example I have involves one of the poeple that I have been close to for almost 10 years now. In 2005 or 06 we had a falling out that was horrible. Some things that didn't involve him built up to a point where, since we hadn't been honest with each other and discussed the matter at hand for one reason or another, he was forced to choose sides on something that, had I been in his shoes I would have done the same thing, and had he been in my shoes he would have probably reacted the same way. In a total moment of anger and frustration I attacked everything that made him the person that I honestly loved him for being. That night was the last time we spoke untill, I guess, January of 2008. Through bull headedness, I lost 2 years with one of my best friends in life. We still aren't as close as we used to be, that hurts my soul.
On another level, however, you have to ask yourself how far would you go for a friend. How badly would you inconvenience yourself? Dan Erb, even though he is a hot head, is the most outgoing person I've ever met that was sincere about it. One time a few years ago, on a night that he should have gone to bed early because he had to work the next morning at like 7, he decided it would be a better idea to throw a birthday party for a couple of girls that we are friends with. After all those chicks got good and loaded we all decided to go home. I lived all the way on the west side of town, and he lived on the southeast side. Well, I ran out of gas like a mile from my house. Dan, at 3 a.m. drives over to where i'm broke down. Then, stays with my zombie drunk wife while I take his car to the gas station to get gas. I get back and he's holding her hair back while she's throwing up. Never one time did he say, you owe me one.
Here's where it gets tricky. 7 years ago when i had my first place, I would have let anybody stay with me that needed to. Wether or not i knew them that well, If they needed a place to crash, I would have offered it. As I got older, I gained more responsibility, and less room in my places. I would still let most bands stay with me if they needed it, or friends that were traveling through, but I couldn't offer anything to just anyone. Now with a wife and a child, and after being burned by people who have stayed with me in the past, I get antsy when people are at my house for more than like an hour or so at a time other than Rogers or Joey or any of my crew of friends. I also find myself with less time to be able to directly help people right away when they need it. I can always talk, but I can't always meet up somewhere, or come get people. Honestly most of my friends never ask.
Is it normal to become more of an intravert the older you get? Is it progression of human beings to go back into the coccoon? The older I get, the more I hold dear the few times that I do get to hang out and act like a kid. Now, moreso than ever, I feel like I live a double life. By day i'm a working father. I go to the grocery store, I work on my budget, I mow the yard, I cook dinner and take care of my little girl. Then every couple of weeks I get to be, for a couple of hours, an obnoxious drunk punk kid that I love to be. Both of these guys are the real me, how is that possible? I have alot more fun with my friends now too. I feel like I'm closer to alot of people than I ever have been. I guess they remind me of the things I love in life that aren't a part of me as a family man.
People give kids shit about how "it doesn't matter, in 2 years you'll be gone, and the hardcore scene will still be here, and i will still be here". I get frustrated when I see that. I know however, the reason this is said isn't because of something as miniscule as a simple show, with a band singing about stuff you agree with, its the fact that the comradery that comes with the sing-a-longs and the relationships that are built with the kids that attend can change like the wind. Its hard to put alot of stock in someone that is going to ride the tailcoat of whatever new trend they find and assemble a new entourage of friends with it. Nobody is going to tell you that, but deep down, the older guys that hang out are just sick of having to actively meet new friends ever 2 or three years. Being skeptical of new people is a defense against being let down.
I've been a good friend to alot of people, I think. I have also been a shitty friend to people and, at times, haven't went out of my way for the people that i really care about, and should go that extra mile for. This week, take some time to sit and think about what you could do to be a better friend to someone. Think about how much everybody that you love truely means to you.
Our only necessities in life are
Food
Clothing
Shelter.
You can get by on that, but it will be long and drawn out. Especially when you can get by with a little help from your friends.
The most important is life itself. Second in line is how you live it.
John Gibson, Joey, Eric, Brian, Dan, Tarvo, Wes, Ben, Derek, Chris, Will
This one's for you.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
In an attempt to find myself.
My generation can easily say that we have been the pampered generation of American History. Granted, every generation has its problems, and you can never really control the quality of a persons life when they have direct influence from parents, peers, etc. We haven't, yet, found our great depression that we have had to overcome. Today it is easier for us to go to college than it has ever been. In the past 15 years buying a home has been so easy, in fact, that in some cases people haven't even had to verify thier income to the bank or lender to recieve a home loan. We have the kids on free lunch programs at school who have an xbox360 and a plasma screen tv in thier homes. We as undeserving of a society as we are, have a certain quality of life that we expect to maintain even on the lowest levels of the social totem pole.
What is the outcome of all of this? We mature at a slower rate. We live with our parents way up into our 20's, we smoke and drink ourselves retarded, we go out on our own before we are ready, we blast through school with big heads and talk about how much money we are going to be making in a few years, or we live so recklessly that we crash and burn. Regardless at some point we hit a wall. Some go around it, some go over it, some go through it, then some of us sit down and put our backs to the wall. We watch our friends go by and wonder, how do I want to do this?
Our parents wanted to make our quality of life better than thiers were at our age. In doing this we were never taught that when we fall, sometimes we don't get back up right away. Suddenly we have to learn how to do things on our own. No one can really prepare you for the things that come at you in life, especially when everything has been as easy as most of us have had it. Its no great depression. For most of us its an experience that we cherish. Its something that we can use to reference from then on out.
When we realize that the values that we were raised on conflict with the person that we become we tend to go on our great journey to find ourselves in life. Many times these are become multiple pilgrimages. All of these bring us to where we either want to be, or end up being. With everything that I am blessed with, about twice a year I have the urge to sell everything, and move to some remote, out of the way place and live life at a different pace. Some of us go hitchhiking across the country, some of us party our lives away, some of us revert back to a minimalist attempt at survival and we hike, cycle, start bands and tour, join the armed forces, or cover our bodies with artwork, all for the thrill.
How many times have you heard a close friend who can't seem to get their shit together, inspite of a college degree, total capability, and a decent work ethic, tell you that they have to move away for a while to get some things worked out? My theory is that as human beings we require a certain level of stress and depression to motivate us to not be complacent. I whole heartedly support anybody who goes on thier own little pilgrimage to find themselves.
Above all, as I have said before, life itself is the most important part. Spring is here. Go to the river, or in the mountains, or your favorite place to be. If you want, play your favorite song. Close your eyes and relax yourself. Draw a mental image of what is around you. Breathe in deep through your nose, and when your lungs are bursting with air, record with all of your senses the place that makes you happy. Remember the smell, the song, the view, the air, remember everything. Dedicate that to memory. Remember what it was like to be alive. One of these days you will smell that same smell, hear that same song, or remember that same place, and all of your senses will take you back. Remember being alive. Above all thats the most important part.
I'm going to leave you with one of my favorites.
The year 2000, I had a Datsun 210 station wagon. It had a P.A. speaker in the back and a home stereo I ran off of batteries. I had Blink182 cheshire cat on tape that I bought from cats. My car had that old car mixed with fabreeze smell added to the heat from the engine that came through the vents. I can remember how hot that car was since it didn't have air conditioning and how we used to go to shows in that car 4 deep singing touchdown boy at the top of our lungs. That made me feel alive.
What is the outcome of all of this? We mature at a slower rate. We live with our parents way up into our 20's, we smoke and drink ourselves retarded, we go out on our own before we are ready, we blast through school with big heads and talk about how much money we are going to be making in a few years, or we live so recklessly that we crash and burn. Regardless at some point we hit a wall. Some go around it, some go over it, some go through it, then some of us sit down and put our backs to the wall. We watch our friends go by and wonder, how do I want to do this?
Our parents wanted to make our quality of life better than thiers were at our age. In doing this we were never taught that when we fall, sometimes we don't get back up right away. Suddenly we have to learn how to do things on our own. No one can really prepare you for the things that come at you in life, especially when everything has been as easy as most of us have had it. Its no great depression. For most of us its an experience that we cherish. Its something that we can use to reference from then on out.
When we realize that the values that we were raised on conflict with the person that we become we tend to go on our great journey to find ourselves in life. Many times these are become multiple pilgrimages. All of these bring us to where we either want to be, or end up being. With everything that I am blessed with, about twice a year I have the urge to sell everything, and move to some remote, out of the way place and live life at a different pace. Some of us go hitchhiking across the country, some of us party our lives away, some of us revert back to a minimalist attempt at survival and we hike, cycle, start bands and tour, join the armed forces, or cover our bodies with artwork, all for the thrill.
How many times have you heard a close friend who can't seem to get their shit together, inspite of a college degree, total capability, and a decent work ethic, tell you that they have to move away for a while to get some things worked out? My theory is that as human beings we require a certain level of stress and depression to motivate us to not be complacent. I whole heartedly support anybody who goes on thier own little pilgrimage to find themselves.
Above all, as I have said before, life itself is the most important part. Spring is here. Go to the river, or in the mountains, or your favorite place to be. If you want, play your favorite song. Close your eyes and relax yourself. Draw a mental image of what is around you. Breathe in deep through your nose, and when your lungs are bursting with air, record with all of your senses the place that makes you happy. Remember the smell, the song, the view, the air, remember everything. Dedicate that to memory. Remember what it was like to be alive. One of these days you will smell that same smell, hear that same song, or remember that same place, and all of your senses will take you back. Remember being alive. Above all thats the most important part.
I'm going to leave you with one of my favorites.
The year 2000, I had a Datsun 210 station wagon. It had a P.A. speaker in the back and a home stereo I ran off of batteries. I had Blink182 cheshire cat on tape that I bought from cats. My car had that old car mixed with fabreeze smell added to the heat from the engine that came through the vents. I can remember how hot that car was since it didn't have air conditioning and how we used to go to shows in that car 4 deep singing touchdown boy at the top of our lungs. That made me feel alive.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Dirty finger nails, muddy shoes
/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [ruht] Show IPA ,noun, verb, rut-ted, rut-ting.
–noun
1.
a furrow or track in the ground, esp. one made by the passage of a vehicle or vehicles.
2.
any furrow, groove, etc.
3.
a fixed or established mode of procedure or course of life, usually dull or unpromising: to fall into a rut.
–verb (used with object)
4.
to make a rut or ruts in; furrow.
How often do we find ourselves in one of these definitions of this same word. In one way or another? I let myself slide into definiton 3 too often. It seems to me that the catalyst is always clutter. A couple of years ago my job cut my hours to about 15 a week. So, I worked 2 jobs to make ends meet. One minimum wage (5.15/hr) and one off of tips. My water pump and timing belt went out in my car while taking a delivery for said job. This, along with a couple of bad descisions helped me max out a credit card or two. In order to make ends meet, and keep up with hanging out with my friends who, at the time, had little or no bills, I let my own finances pile up. Instead of getting my ass in gear and taking initiative, I played music and traveled. Most of my money went to that.
Suddenly my 1200 in credit card bills was closing in on 4000. Paying the minimum payment would only, really cover the over the limit charges that would occour every month that I didn't send them the $600 to catch up my cards. Even tho it took almost a year to dig into this storm of bad descisions, it seemd like this just happened overnight. I felt like a total piece of crap, and to boot, my credit score reflected the same. I was in a rut. The funny thing was, being in this rut, should have been my motivation to get out of it, and fast. The reality was, the more it piled up, the more I wanted to just act like it wasnt there. Finally, I took care of it and consolidated them, and within a year or so completely paid them off. Now I have to get a cosigner for a Gap card if I want one.
One of the worst things about being in a rut isn't the rut itself; it's the fact that once you are there you start clinging to the things that do make you happy, and that do make you feel like everything is buisiness as usual. For me it has been everything from Jesus, to Wild Turkey. Don't get me wrong, These are things I still enjoy to this day, for the most part. Finding what makes you happy when you are in a rut is important. When it becomes your escape, it becomes a problem. I have had about 3 different times in my life where I felt the need to stop drinking. I can call it whatever I want, but it just became something that was too important to me for as miniscule of a part of me that it really was. It always happens about mid-autumn, when the days get shorter. When I get out of work at 6:30 and its already dark. Night time makes me want to either sleep, or go out. Many times I choose the later. So I wake up in time to go to work. I see about 15 minutes of daylight each day like that. Before I know it, I am in a rut.
Here is my point. Every day I read someone's twitter post, or myspace bulletin, or facebook update, Someone, will have something utterly depressing to say. I'm not talking about someone saying "I just got done scraping dog shit off of my nikes, and then stepped in the same pile of crap on the way to my car.. FML", I'm talking about this all around emptiness and hopelessness that we are carrying from our youth all the way through our adulthood. Does social networking perpetuate this? Is it the 24 hour news? Is it the constant barrage of information that we process through the day?
It seems to me that today, for alot of people, life in America is like a red hot pepper covered in chocolate that nobody told you about. Its sweet at first taste, but once you bite in, you are committed, and it burns the entire way as it goes down. Are we truly this disenfranchised? If so, is it worth the effort it would take for us to do anything more than to constantly destroy our brains and our bodies? If it is truly this bad, how is it going to effect the next generation behind us? Has this party till you puke/girls gone wild new millenium lifestyle been forcefed to us by a new world order so that we will all die young and we won't freak out when we turn 72 and have no social security check coming in? Could it be?
I was led to believe in school that working in a resturant was not a respectable career. So I decided that I wasn't going to learn to work a "trade job" like my dad worked. No, i was going to college, and I was going to be a teacher. My test I took in high school said that I would be best fitted to be a welder or do some sort of maintenence. I kind of put myself above having a job like that. Now, I think of how awesome it would be to know how to do anything without having to pay someone to put a new roof on my house, fix my own car, etc.
Some of us went to college and found that it wasn't for us just yet. This didn't fit the time frame that we had set for ourselves since we were 12 or 13 years old. We took the jobs that we said we never would take. Instead of being happy about being able to pay our bills and have a few bucks to go get a beer when we were done, we decided that the world had shit on us. I'll be the first to say that I did too. It wasn't our parents fault, our teachers faults, George W Bush's fault, or any of the above. It's simply the hand that we played with the cards we were dealt. Most of us are where we are because of the descisions we have made.
Some of us stay in relationships out of habit. This can have all three definitions of the word rut. You start going down a beaten path. You can't get out. You have a love/hate relationship with your significant other, you just don't want to be the bad guy. You know the one, closed mouthed kisses, holding hands but not making eye contact, a fuck without a kiss. Where are we going with relationships like this? Do we really see ourselves happier in 5 years? If the answer is yes. Fight for it. Make small changes every day in what you do. Take small steps every day to let the person you are in love with know that you care. If the answer is no, get out of it. Get rid of the clutter in your life.
My point in all of this is. Its hard to get out of a rut. It is hard to find a good start in clearing the clutter out of your life, and making small changes to the descisions you have made. I have tried to meditate, I always fell asleep and woke up stressed that I forgot to do something. Today you should try something new. When you take that first smoke break, instead of hitting that camel, stand on your porch, steps, stoop, or break area, close your eyes and take 10 deep breaths. I mean fill your lungs untill you have no room, and then breathe out. If you want to, close your eyes and stretch. Get your blood pumping, make yourself remember what it feels like to be alive. This above all is the most important part.
Life.
–noun
1.
a furrow or track in the ground, esp. one made by the passage of a vehicle or vehicles.
2.
any furrow, groove, etc.
3.
a fixed or established mode of procedure or course of life, usually dull or unpromising: to fall into a rut.
–verb (used with object)
4.
to make a rut or ruts in; furrow.
How often do we find ourselves in one of these definitions of this same word. In one way or another? I let myself slide into definiton 3 too often. It seems to me that the catalyst is always clutter. A couple of years ago my job cut my hours to about 15 a week. So, I worked 2 jobs to make ends meet. One minimum wage (5.15/hr) and one off of tips. My water pump and timing belt went out in my car while taking a delivery for said job. This, along with a couple of bad descisions helped me max out a credit card or two. In order to make ends meet, and keep up with hanging out with my friends who, at the time, had little or no bills, I let my own finances pile up. Instead of getting my ass in gear and taking initiative, I played music and traveled. Most of my money went to that.
Suddenly my 1200 in credit card bills was closing in on 4000. Paying the minimum payment would only, really cover the over the limit charges that would occour every month that I didn't send them the $600 to catch up my cards. Even tho it took almost a year to dig into this storm of bad descisions, it seemd like this just happened overnight. I felt like a total piece of crap, and to boot, my credit score reflected the same. I was in a rut. The funny thing was, being in this rut, should have been my motivation to get out of it, and fast. The reality was, the more it piled up, the more I wanted to just act like it wasnt there. Finally, I took care of it and consolidated them, and within a year or so completely paid them off. Now I have to get a cosigner for a Gap card if I want one.
One of the worst things about being in a rut isn't the rut itself; it's the fact that once you are there you start clinging to the things that do make you happy, and that do make you feel like everything is buisiness as usual. For me it has been everything from Jesus, to Wild Turkey. Don't get me wrong, These are things I still enjoy to this day, for the most part. Finding what makes you happy when you are in a rut is important. When it becomes your escape, it becomes a problem. I have had about 3 different times in my life where I felt the need to stop drinking. I can call it whatever I want, but it just became something that was too important to me for as miniscule of a part of me that it really was. It always happens about mid-autumn, when the days get shorter. When I get out of work at 6:30 and its already dark. Night time makes me want to either sleep, or go out. Many times I choose the later. So I wake up in time to go to work. I see about 15 minutes of daylight each day like that. Before I know it, I am in a rut.
Here is my point. Every day I read someone's twitter post, or myspace bulletin, or facebook update, Someone, will have something utterly depressing to say. I'm not talking about someone saying "I just got done scraping dog shit off of my nikes, and then stepped in the same pile of crap on the way to my car.. FML", I'm talking about this all around emptiness and hopelessness that we are carrying from our youth all the way through our adulthood. Does social networking perpetuate this? Is it the 24 hour news? Is it the constant barrage of information that we process through the day?
It seems to me that today, for alot of people, life in America is like a red hot pepper covered in chocolate that nobody told you about. Its sweet at first taste, but once you bite in, you are committed, and it burns the entire way as it goes down. Are we truly this disenfranchised? If so, is it worth the effort it would take for us to do anything more than to constantly destroy our brains and our bodies? If it is truly this bad, how is it going to effect the next generation behind us? Has this party till you puke/girls gone wild new millenium lifestyle been forcefed to us by a new world order so that we will all die young and we won't freak out when we turn 72 and have no social security check coming in? Could it be?
I was led to believe in school that working in a resturant was not a respectable career. So I decided that I wasn't going to learn to work a "trade job" like my dad worked. No, i was going to college, and I was going to be a teacher. My test I took in high school said that I would be best fitted to be a welder or do some sort of maintenence. I kind of put myself above having a job like that. Now, I think of how awesome it would be to know how to do anything without having to pay someone to put a new roof on my house, fix my own car, etc.
Some of us went to college and found that it wasn't for us just yet. This didn't fit the time frame that we had set for ourselves since we were 12 or 13 years old. We took the jobs that we said we never would take. Instead of being happy about being able to pay our bills and have a few bucks to go get a beer when we were done, we decided that the world had shit on us. I'll be the first to say that I did too. It wasn't our parents fault, our teachers faults, George W Bush's fault, or any of the above. It's simply the hand that we played with the cards we were dealt. Most of us are where we are because of the descisions we have made.
Some of us stay in relationships out of habit. This can have all three definitions of the word rut. You start going down a beaten path. You can't get out. You have a love/hate relationship with your significant other, you just don't want to be the bad guy. You know the one, closed mouthed kisses, holding hands but not making eye contact, a fuck without a kiss. Where are we going with relationships like this? Do we really see ourselves happier in 5 years? If the answer is yes. Fight for it. Make small changes every day in what you do. Take small steps every day to let the person you are in love with know that you care. If the answer is no, get out of it. Get rid of the clutter in your life.
My point in all of this is. Its hard to get out of a rut. It is hard to find a good start in clearing the clutter out of your life, and making small changes to the descisions you have made. I have tried to meditate, I always fell asleep and woke up stressed that I forgot to do something. Today you should try something new. When you take that first smoke break, instead of hitting that camel, stand on your porch, steps, stoop, or break area, close your eyes and take 10 deep breaths. I mean fill your lungs untill you have no room, and then breathe out. If you want to, close your eyes and stretch. Get your blood pumping, make yourself remember what it feels like to be alive. This above all is the most important part.
Life.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Rad State of Affairs
When i was 15 years old. I told my father that I wanted no part of this American dream. It wasn't for me. The house, the yard, The job i hate, the inability to do what i want, whenever i want, becuase i have to pay for what I don't need, and sometimes don't even want.
He understood my discust with greed. He was on the fence between offended, and excited for me. If my faith teaches me that it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than it is for a rich man to get to heaven, why is it only proper to work your entire life to become rich? If pride is sinful, why do we dress in our finest clothes, that we pay a little bit extra for, and comb our hairs a certain way, and tuck our shirts in when we go to church on sunday? Why do we pray to God, to allow us to get that raise that will make our lives a little more comfortable? Was it a big deal that I may be "flipping burgers all my life and never making anything out of myself"?
Beyond that, why do our older conservative, chrisitan leaders/elders hound the youth to vote a certain way. If you vote democrat, you allow a door to be opened for abortion to run rampant. Our babies are being slaughtered by the millions. God should have decided when they died. Euthenasia will be come legal, our older most beloved people, will be able to kill themselves unchecked, just because life is pain. Lets strip God of his humanity for a second. As is. God is a creator. Once we proved faulty in the first place, We were to be destroyed. Thats the reason we have Christ, right? In that, maybe those little unborn babies, and Cancer ridden old ladies and men, and Terry Schiavo were pre-destined to die that way. Why do these same Conservative Christian Right heads tell us right from wrong with one hand, and then with the other hand, buy goods from parts of the world where indigenous/tribal/simple lives were either enslaved or slaughtered to take over the goods of the area at a cheaper price. Maybe it was God's will for a logging company to enslave a village in south america, Take their resources, and then kill the people after they were finished, so that we could buy the lumber to build our houses for half the price. Or force kids into a diamond mine for 18 hours a day so that we can pay a full month's salary to put a sparkly ring on our new bride's finger. Or to encrust the platinum that is going to cover up some jackass's top row of teeth.
The whole "American Dream" seemed to me, as far away from both my faith, and from the other end of the spectrum, the punk rock subculture that I wanted to be a part of. To me my faith didn't depend on if i drank, said fuck alot, or listened to fast shitty music. It was and is about how i treat people. How i can make someone's day better, how I can use what abilities i have to make someone's life easier. Be it through music, cooking, talking, driving, playing golf, whatever. I wanted everything i do to somehow lighten up someone's mood,nerves,day,life.
One day I wanted to have a wife and a house and kids and that stuff, but i wanted it simple, no more than i need. Nothing flashy.
Then I fell in love with a girl. She was a little out of my league. To boot, her family was a little better off than mine. They were the kind, tho, that weren't the type that i hated. That helped. After a 6 month engagement, we got married. The wedding was beautiful, but immediately, my simple bones threw in a stumbling block. I had about $400 saved up to take with us onour honeymoon. That was a substancial amount of money for me then, and even now. A few weeks prior, i thought to myself. The day after our wedding, we are driving to virginia for our honeymoon, why do we need to spend $100 on a hotel the night after our wedding.
So, i cancelled the room. When we got to my apartment, I realized that I hadn't cleaned or made the bed or anything. It was a let down for her. It was a big one. In my mind, it wasn't a huge deal, outside of my mother, who is as much like another guy, I hadn't really gained the understanding of how certain things were super special to women. My mom had alot of let downs in her life, and laughed about them, and didn't seem bothered. I figured everything was as little of a deal to every woman as it was to her. This was something that i didn't know was going to be something had a lasting impact on not only my marriage, but also, the way that my wife viewed me as a husband. I had always had to struggle to get by, so it was nothing new to me. I think for the first time, she realized that it wasn't going to be easy, and that the fact that i was that used to not having or doing, wasn't going to make it any easier on her. I didn't realize any of this at the time tho, She told me some years later. It made me want to die.
She was always super supportive of irom. I wanted to quit a few times. She refused to let me. She told me that since at the time she had no ambition in life, she would share mine and do what it took here at home to make things work for me to tour or whatever. She's a good woman.
We made ends meet, and it was easier than i had expected.
As life goes on, we recieved an offer on a house. It would make our house payment $75 more. Suddenly I had a mortgage. That following year, Crystals car started messing up, So we Bought her a new car. Nothing had really changed that much, we were making a little bit more money, so it was helping out a little bit, but then, after irom/takenaway weren't doing anything anymore, and everyone was kind of in a standstill in life, My wife got pregnant and we had a baby. With that, i decided that my pickup truck wasn't the right car for a family, so i bought a mini van.
So today, I'm here, dead center in the middle of my 20's. I have a house, a fenced in yard, Dogs, a minivan, a receiding hair line, a wife and a baby. I wake up and drink coffee, and go to my desk job. I talk about how bad i hate it. I have high blood pressure, My wife works, and we make ends meet. The same thing we did form day one, just with more shit.
So i wonder. Have I been living the american dream all this time?
Did i trip over something and fall into it?
Is it something unavoidable?
Or is it a process that can be used to describe each and every one of our walks through life.
Maybe my dad understood becasue that was him 30 years ago.
Maybe
He understood my discust with greed. He was on the fence between offended, and excited for me. If my faith teaches me that it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than it is for a rich man to get to heaven, why is it only proper to work your entire life to become rich? If pride is sinful, why do we dress in our finest clothes, that we pay a little bit extra for, and comb our hairs a certain way, and tuck our shirts in when we go to church on sunday? Why do we pray to God, to allow us to get that raise that will make our lives a little more comfortable? Was it a big deal that I may be "flipping burgers all my life and never making anything out of myself"?
Beyond that, why do our older conservative, chrisitan leaders/elders hound the youth to vote a certain way. If you vote democrat, you allow a door to be opened for abortion to run rampant. Our babies are being slaughtered by the millions. God should have decided when they died. Euthenasia will be come legal, our older most beloved people, will be able to kill themselves unchecked, just because life is pain. Lets strip God of his humanity for a second. As is. God is a creator. Once we proved faulty in the first place, We were to be destroyed. Thats the reason we have Christ, right? In that, maybe those little unborn babies, and Cancer ridden old ladies and men, and Terry Schiavo were pre-destined to die that way. Why do these same Conservative Christian Right heads tell us right from wrong with one hand, and then with the other hand, buy goods from parts of the world where indigenous/tribal/simple lives were either enslaved or slaughtered to take over the goods of the area at a cheaper price. Maybe it was God's will for a logging company to enslave a village in south america, Take their resources, and then kill the people after they were finished, so that we could buy the lumber to build our houses for half the price. Or force kids into a diamond mine for 18 hours a day so that we can pay a full month's salary to put a sparkly ring on our new bride's finger. Or to encrust the platinum that is going to cover up some jackass's top row of teeth.
The whole "American Dream" seemed to me, as far away from both my faith, and from the other end of the spectrum, the punk rock subculture that I wanted to be a part of. To me my faith didn't depend on if i drank, said fuck alot, or listened to fast shitty music. It was and is about how i treat people. How i can make someone's day better, how I can use what abilities i have to make someone's life easier. Be it through music, cooking, talking, driving, playing golf, whatever. I wanted everything i do to somehow lighten up someone's mood,nerves,day,life.
One day I wanted to have a wife and a house and kids and that stuff, but i wanted it simple, no more than i need. Nothing flashy.
Then I fell in love with a girl. She was a little out of my league. To boot, her family was a little better off than mine. They were the kind, tho, that weren't the type that i hated. That helped. After a 6 month engagement, we got married. The wedding was beautiful, but immediately, my simple bones threw in a stumbling block. I had about $400 saved up to take with us onour honeymoon. That was a substancial amount of money for me then, and even now. A few weeks prior, i thought to myself. The day after our wedding, we are driving to virginia for our honeymoon, why do we need to spend $100 on a hotel the night after our wedding.
So, i cancelled the room. When we got to my apartment, I realized that I hadn't cleaned or made the bed or anything. It was a let down for her. It was a big one. In my mind, it wasn't a huge deal, outside of my mother, who is as much like another guy, I hadn't really gained the understanding of how certain things were super special to women. My mom had alot of let downs in her life, and laughed about them, and didn't seem bothered. I figured everything was as little of a deal to every woman as it was to her. This was something that i didn't know was going to be something had a lasting impact on not only my marriage, but also, the way that my wife viewed me as a husband. I had always had to struggle to get by, so it was nothing new to me. I think for the first time, she realized that it wasn't going to be easy, and that the fact that i was that used to not having or doing, wasn't going to make it any easier on her. I didn't realize any of this at the time tho, She told me some years later. It made me want to die.
She was always super supportive of irom. I wanted to quit a few times. She refused to let me. She told me that since at the time she had no ambition in life, she would share mine and do what it took here at home to make things work for me to tour or whatever. She's a good woman.
We made ends meet, and it was easier than i had expected.
As life goes on, we recieved an offer on a house. It would make our house payment $75 more. Suddenly I had a mortgage. That following year, Crystals car started messing up, So we Bought her a new car. Nothing had really changed that much, we were making a little bit more money, so it was helping out a little bit, but then, after irom/takenaway weren't doing anything anymore, and everyone was kind of in a standstill in life, My wife got pregnant and we had a baby. With that, i decided that my pickup truck wasn't the right car for a family, so i bought a mini van.
So today, I'm here, dead center in the middle of my 20's. I have a house, a fenced in yard, Dogs, a minivan, a receiding hair line, a wife and a baby. I wake up and drink coffee, and go to my desk job. I talk about how bad i hate it. I have high blood pressure, My wife works, and we make ends meet. The same thing we did form day one, just with more shit.
So i wonder. Have I been living the american dream all this time?
Did i trip over something and fall into it?
Is it something unavoidable?
Or is it a process that can be used to describe each and every one of our walks through life.
Maybe my dad understood becasue that was him 30 years ago.
Maybe
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Damaged Young Livers
My youth is dwendling like a carrot on a string
and i'm the jackass, who keeps moving on.
Each passing day, I get a little bit older
A little more overwhelmed,
and haven't taken a step forward.
But ever so carefully I force it out
I tread light with dilligence.
I sing songs to bring a smile to your lips
We talk about the good times.
Do you remember the time that our friend
swallowed his sorrow, and said i'll let it go.
But then a week later he saw them out,
and beat that kid untill his movements were ferel
and he lurched about in such a gutteral tone.
Do you remember the time that our friend hit the bottom
we didn't see him for days, But he still forced a smile.
and you could taste the hurt he was feeling as it seeped
through the air and chilled to your bones.
Do you remember the time you came in and we drank ourselves stupid
We reminisced on the times that we spent with no reason
or purpose, our lives weren't driven, we led a worthless existance
and it was priceless to us. And man, The kids are younger
they're going through it, and your little brother is a part of it too.
These are the times, These are the reasons, This is the sand in the hour glass
Trickling down but never wasting, recycling words of the moments passed.
these are the times, these are the reasons, these are the kids that can't grow up, the young livers damaged, time that we wasted, getting wasted, and wasting money. money we didn't have.
and thats something we'll never lose.
and i'm the jackass, who keeps moving on.
Each passing day, I get a little bit older
A little more overwhelmed,
and haven't taken a step forward.
But ever so carefully I force it out
I tread light with dilligence.
I sing songs to bring a smile to your lips
We talk about the good times.
Do you remember the time that our friend
swallowed his sorrow, and said i'll let it go.
But then a week later he saw them out,
and beat that kid untill his movements were ferel
and he lurched about in such a gutteral tone.
Do you remember the time that our friend hit the bottom
we didn't see him for days, But he still forced a smile.
and you could taste the hurt he was feeling as it seeped
through the air and chilled to your bones.
Do you remember the time you came in and we drank ourselves stupid
We reminisced on the times that we spent with no reason
or purpose, our lives weren't driven, we led a worthless existance
and it was priceless to us. And man, The kids are younger
they're going through it, and your little brother is a part of it too.
These are the times, These are the reasons, This is the sand in the hour glass
Trickling down but never wasting, recycling words of the moments passed.
these are the times, these are the reasons, these are the kids that can't grow up, the young livers damaged, time that we wasted, getting wasted, and wasting money. money we didn't have.
and thats something we'll never lose.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
200gr8
2008 brought me a year of optomism. Crystal was pregnant with evamae. My bands weren't as active as they once had been. THe hideaway was getting killer shows, and more kids were coming out to said shows. Early in the year I had the day off of work. Crystal was at work, and i decided i wanted to go to a show in charlotte with the rest of the crew. I crashed ben and justin's apartment around 11 a.m. with a whole gang of 40's. This prompted Justing to skip class and follow suit. so at 1.pm when we were leaving for charlotte, I was already blackout drunk. We arrived in charlotte for the show, adn whilst standing in line i realized i had a knife on my person. I had to take it back to the car. The show was amazing. I was getting hungover. Afterwards we ate at dennys. If i remember right, will and I had the boneless wings. I puked my ass off screamin at mel mel. Soon after my great pal, close buddy, and tight bro, Derek Smith moved back to the tri citites from NC. They all moved into this sweet house. I had nothing to do most of the time. SO i hung out there alot. I joined a band with chris and will and jason, called sundale. It was alot of fun. To this date it is one of my favorite bands. We played pretty regularly, but when crystal got closer to the big day, I kind of quit booking shows. As you would expect. Will aslo joined stand your ground, so that took most of his time. In july Crystal finally popped evamae out. I suddenly had this tiny 6 pound piece of perfection. That was cool.
Life since then has been really a blur of shows, and work.
I can't discern.
I must digress.
this is the end of my story.
All of our lives are stories worth telling. I encourage you to do so. Write a song about the good time, write a song about the bad times, Sing a song during the boring times. But, always be making noise.
Life since then has been really a blur of shows, and work.
I can't discern.
I must digress.
this is the end of my story.
All of our lives are stories worth telling. I encourage you to do so. Write a song about the good time, write a song about the bad times, Sing a song during the boring times. But, always be making noise.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
2007 reasons i hate myself... Sometimes
By Feb 2007, i was sick and fucking tired of being responsible for the kingsport work force. I decided that if i saw one more server snort a pill, or pass a sack of grass on premisis I would personally send them home for life, and if my boss didn't back me, i'd leave too. Bear in mind, It doesn't bother me to see people have fun. IT does bother me to see people unable to function because they are fucking strung out on oc's, Especially when they are preparing food. I digress.
Taken Away had just finished our mostly NC world tour, things were looking up, and we were to go record in spring @East KY Sound. By this point we had a small label from Phillie that wanted to put it out for us. So it was a killer feeling. I was the most excited musically that i've ever been in my life.
I was in one of my "i don't party" phases. I used to fall in and out of them. I didn't believe that there was a healthy medium for me. Anyway. It was a bullshit winter. I was sick of being sick, and cold, and miserable. Randy, my dear friend, asked me if i wanted to come to MB and watch slayer with him. So me and joey, armed with about 50 bucks a piece, and some chesse its left after work one night, and drove through the night to Myrtle Beach. Berfore the show we went and ate at some place near the hob. Randy's roommate and his friends got me good and drunk before the show.
I didn't mind.
Slayer were amazing.
The next day upon our arrival to JC. Joey broke edge. In leu of slayer being baddass.
My birthday was a few weeks later. My best friend now thrashed too. We partied for 4 days straight.
On the 5th day, i drove snake eyes to get the oil changed. I turned the radio to 101.5 and i hear
"spent the last year, rocky mountain way, couldn't get much hiiiiiigher"
It made me chuckle a little.
Crystal was working 3rd shift. She didn't seem to mind it. I never had anything to do, and was making better money since i moved my operation back to johnson city, and was working the hideaway and johnny bruscos. I didn't really have anything better to do than to at night than to go out and rage wherever everybody else was raging.
Suddenly i was back in shitheadville. I don't regret it, i don't think.
Taken away wasn't really at the tip of anyone's tounges in the band anymore. John Wes and jeoy had panzer. I was playing in goldenarm, it was a fun time. Joey and i talked about how he was going on ozzfest that year with showdown. Apparently nobody else in the band knew. We played a few shows. After we recorded that ep. and Tried to do a mini tour that May. with gnarwolf, and Lex vegas. We only made it to 2 of the shows. I think it kind of hurt nathans feelings. We couldn't all get off of work tho. I felt bad.
It was honestly a very frustraiting thing for me that i saw everyone and partied with everyone, but nobdy wanted to practice or play shows. Then joey left for ozzfest. I didn't really talk to anyone in TA except johnman.
I went to hang out at the charlotte date with my bro. We got shit hammered off of High life and Jager and started smashing bottles, and heckling this hill full of shitheads trying to get girls to show thier titz.
At one point Kevin talley tried to kick over the porto=john joey was using, that was funny. Then after it got dark, and we smashed more bottles, and raised more hell. The guitar tech from behemoth came out and said "C'mon guys quit smashing fuckin bottles, we gotta drive our busses through this!"
Joey exclaimed "fuck you faggot, don't you worship satan? Well if satan was here with me, he would be smashing bottles and telling you to FUCK YOU!"
I laughed untill i almost cried.
We really didn't play as aband after that. We just burned out together. We went to gatsbys every wed night and did karaoki, and just raged. That year i guess, wasn't a waste tho. I let off alot of steam, and became alot less high strung over the course of that year. All in all, it was a good year.
One day, I woke up with the worst hangover/cold/feellikeshit i could remember. I didn't have any dayquil, so, I Took 2 hits off of my bong, Took a dose of nyquil, drank an energy drink, and went to work to start a double Waiting tables. I was in the fuckin zone.
Then around I'd say 3 pm, crystal calls, hysterical. Thats when i found out I was going to be a dad.
Big things were happening for skeletonpecker at this time. We were jamming holes out, and loving it. That next day joey and I were heading to Skeletonpecker practice, wehn i receive another hysterical phone call that went like this. "i'm pregnant, and you don't care about anything except getting stoned with joey, and acting like a dumbass"
Of course that was one of my favorite things on earth to do, but that wasn't what i cared about, or even thought about. So i had to make the descision tha tover the course of a few months i would substancially cut back on my green intake. I pretty much quit all together.
The rest of my year just revolved around going out when i could, Work, and Work.
Nothing overthetop memorable.
Oh yeah once johnny sixguns thought it would be funny to drop the N bomb from stage at the hideaway. It was so obsecene that even TimDave was pissed off.
It was a good year for shows in jc too. There were alot of metalcore shows, but, alot of new faces started showing up, adn that makes me happy.
Taken Away had just finished our mostly NC world tour, things were looking up, and we were to go record in spring @East KY Sound. By this point we had a small label from Phillie that wanted to put it out for us. So it was a killer feeling. I was the most excited musically that i've ever been in my life.
I was in one of my "i don't party" phases. I used to fall in and out of them. I didn't believe that there was a healthy medium for me. Anyway. It was a bullshit winter. I was sick of being sick, and cold, and miserable. Randy, my dear friend, asked me if i wanted to come to MB and watch slayer with him. So me and joey, armed with about 50 bucks a piece, and some chesse its left after work one night, and drove through the night to Myrtle Beach. Berfore the show we went and ate at some place near the hob. Randy's roommate and his friends got me good and drunk before the show.
I didn't mind.
Slayer were amazing.
The next day upon our arrival to JC. Joey broke edge. In leu of slayer being baddass.
My birthday was a few weeks later. My best friend now thrashed too. We partied for 4 days straight.
On the 5th day, i drove snake eyes to get the oil changed. I turned the radio to 101.5 and i hear
"spent the last year, rocky mountain way, couldn't get much hiiiiiigher"
It made me chuckle a little.
Crystal was working 3rd shift. She didn't seem to mind it. I never had anything to do, and was making better money since i moved my operation back to johnson city, and was working the hideaway and johnny bruscos. I didn't really have anything better to do than to at night than to go out and rage wherever everybody else was raging.
Suddenly i was back in shitheadville. I don't regret it, i don't think.
Taken away wasn't really at the tip of anyone's tounges in the band anymore. John Wes and jeoy had panzer. I was playing in goldenarm, it was a fun time. Joey and i talked about how he was going on ozzfest that year with showdown. Apparently nobody else in the band knew. We played a few shows. After we recorded that ep. and Tried to do a mini tour that May. with gnarwolf, and Lex vegas. We only made it to 2 of the shows. I think it kind of hurt nathans feelings. We couldn't all get off of work tho. I felt bad.
It was honestly a very frustraiting thing for me that i saw everyone and partied with everyone, but nobdy wanted to practice or play shows. Then joey left for ozzfest. I didn't really talk to anyone in TA except johnman.
I went to hang out at the charlotte date with my bro. We got shit hammered off of High life and Jager and started smashing bottles, and heckling this hill full of shitheads trying to get girls to show thier titz.
At one point Kevin talley tried to kick over the porto=john joey was using, that was funny. Then after it got dark, and we smashed more bottles, and raised more hell. The guitar tech from behemoth came out and said "C'mon guys quit smashing fuckin bottles, we gotta drive our busses through this!"
Joey exclaimed "fuck you faggot, don't you worship satan? Well if satan was here with me, he would be smashing bottles and telling you to FUCK YOU!"
I laughed untill i almost cried.
We really didn't play as aband after that. We just burned out together. We went to gatsbys every wed night and did karaoki, and just raged. That year i guess, wasn't a waste tho. I let off alot of steam, and became alot less high strung over the course of that year. All in all, it was a good year.
One day, I woke up with the worst hangover/cold/feellikeshit i could remember. I didn't have any dayquil, so, I Took 2 hits off of my bong, Took a dose of nyquil, drank an energy drink, and went to work to start a double Waiting tables. I was in the fuckin zone.
Then around I'd say 3 pm, crystal calls, hysterical. Thats when i found out I was going to be a dad.
Big things were happening for skeletonpecker at this time. We were jamming holes out, and loving it. That next day joey and I were heading to Skeletonpecker practice, wehn i receive another hysterical phone call that went like this. "i'm pregnant, and you don't care about anything except getting stoned with joey, and acting like a dumbass"
Of course that was one of my favorite things on earth to do, but that wasn't what i cared about, or even thought about. So i had to make the descision tha tover the course of a few months i would substancially cut back on my green intake. I pretty much quit all together.
The rest of my year just revolved around going out when i could, Work, and Work.
Nothing overthetop memorable.
Oh yeah once johnny sixguns thought it would be funny to drop the N bomb from stage at the hideaway. It was so obsecene that even TimDave was pissed off.
It was a good year for shows in jc too. There were alot of metalcore shows, but, alot of new faces started showing up, adn that makes me happy.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Ship Shape
We tried to embarq on our tour on December 26. For one reason or another this didn't happen. Instead we drove to columbia south carolina to watch Have Heart, Kids like us, and where it ends. Day 2 was in summerville SC. It was awesome. I dont' remember the bands we played with, but regardless it was a killer show. The kid that let us stay with him had a super nice house and was an all around kiler guy. That next day was New Years Eve 2005. We played in Savannah GA. We got there kind of early, ate, and loaded in. It was in the basement of Rude Rudy's pizza in downtown. Man it was the funnest show i've ever played. There were 80 or so kids packed in there, all going crazy for every band. Once loaded in, i decided to adventure abou tthe town since it was new years eve. Rawg ended up drunk sway talking to this chick in the hyatt downtown that was trying to get him to take off his warriors hoodie. I ordered ayard tall rum and coke with 3 extra shots. By the time it was time for us to play i was out of it, i left soon after. Called the wife at midnight and told her happy new years, then spaced out for 2 days. I wasn't drunk or high or anything, i just got caught up, the next thign i know I'm in daytona eating an orange straight off of the tree so i call her to tell her about the tree. She says "hello, oh hi, you're alive huh?" Needless to say it was a ballbreaking i deserved.
The rest of the tour went pretty well, Minus the crackhouse we stayed at in tampa where the dude and his pizzaface girlfriend were having relations on the bed that we were in the floor right beside.. We were up and gone by 7:40 that day to find out that our next show was cancelled, So we drove up to the panhandle and stayed in Panama City with Randy and the dudes from Caldwell/Jump the shark. We played minigolf, and I bought some Legal Smoke from the headshop. It was a good day i guess. We found out later that night our fort walton beach show never got booked. Jon did a knockup job with this tour. The next day we ate ci ci's then drove home, We made it to Johnson city with $9.
The next day we played with secret lives at the hideaway. I fucking love my home.
That march, i guess, we recorded the Benedict EP. For a DIY effort, we sold alot of that e.p. I think people were pretty into it. As far as being from the heart, The lyrics for that EP were very personal. They were like letters to the friends that they are about. I was volunteering in the morning at a church outreach downtown. It was a coffee shop for homeless people. I got alot out of it. You could discern between the bums and the legit homeless. It broke my heart to go there and talk to some of these guys. But what can you do?
That spring we had what would probably be the best shows to date booked. We were to Play Brockton, Nashua, Westernmass, Maine, and Long island. The mass/up shows were with Cutthroat, the long island show was with Life in Your Way, Aloveforenemies and a few others.
Due to our van being fucked up and us not having money or cars reliable enough for the journey we didnt' go on this mini-tour. but thats w/e. It happens. Its all in how hard you are ready to work.
We tried to book another small tour that summer, but it didn't work out, we ended up playing like 2 shows. one in Blacksburg, and One in Harrisonburg. They were fun. Joey airborne crept on some scene girls.
Nathan was in a band called Push to Shove. A really kickass skinheadesque hardcore band. They are probably one of the best bands of that style to be from around here. It sucks that they didn't play for that long.
Over the course of about 6 months some things were stewing between our circle of friends. Someone had done a major misdeed as far as trust was concerned. It was nobody in IROM, but people that were connected to us. It was something that was looked into for a long time, and when the shit hit the fan, I handled it the totally wrong way.
Eric Rogers has been a close friend of mine since i was 16 or 17. He's a different kind of guy, with a really big heart for his friends. Instead of going to him first things first with this problem, I just let the powers that be work them out, since it didn't directly effect either of us. When it all came down, he didn't speak to me for like 2 weeks, and after a show i finally blew up on him. I called him a bitch, told him he was acting like a woman, said everything i could say to make him feel like shit. Then i told him to take his shit out of the van and take it home himself. 20 Minutes later I called nathan and asked him to replace rogers.
Not directly because of, but because of the events leading up to this meltdown. I lost a good year and a half of friendship. It sucks, try just seeing your best friend around that you have hung out with every day for years, and not look them in the eye or even say hey to them.
Scandalous women can make this happen for you. Eric. this one's for you.
With nathan in the band, andour music going in another direction. We changed our name to taken away. We started writing faster, heavier music. I loved it. Also with this new material, it kind of formed a concept album of sorts. I kind of drew back from working at the outreach.
One particular song, Hell is Now. Was about this kid that was homeless and orphaned. He lived out on the street here in jc bc once he turned 18, his foster care was finished. He came in one day and told me that someone picked him up to help do some work at their house, and then raped him. He acted like it wasn't a big deal. The guy was a doctor at one of the hospitals, according to this kid. I think the kid was autistic, there was something off with him. Someone took advantage of that. Once i realized what was going on i called the cops so that he could file a report and get checked out. I offered to pay for him to go to the clinic. I could feel my soul dying for this kid. Once the cops took him for the report, i locked up the coffee shop and broke down.
I called out sick for work that day. I don't know why, but for that one day i lost all faith in god and humanity. The more that i worked at the outreach, the more that i found out about this wierd underground of johnson city where alot of the homeless who are addicts and what not, were preyed on by deviant, predatory,horrible people. It made me ill to think about. These guys were drinking mouthwash to get fucked up bc it was cheaper than beer. That summer, i left the outreach and started working in kingsport. Honestly I haven't thought much about it untill right now.
That December-Jan we did a mini-tour with nathan on guitar. It was pretty sweet. We played Spartainburg, Greenville, Charlotte, Greensboro, and Winston Salem. Mostly Skateparks, tatto shops, and stuff like that. Everything went smoothly. I started the tour with a stomach virus. Joey had a cold. By the end of the week, i had a cold and he had the stomach virus.
I'm going to leave you with some lyrics. I wrote these when i worked the outreach.
Break the Mold and, Throw away the cast
You've got nobody fooled you two toned- iscariot.
Hello Dr jeckyl. Good morning mr hyde.
you spit poison with the mouth that medicates.
and you kill with the hand that heals.
(and in due time)
I don't know where and I don't know how,
but you've got yours coming. As soon as you let your guard down
and look the other way.
They will be right here, and we will be right here.
waiting in the shadows, We're going to put it in your fuckin face.
And when life comes down to the wrong you have done and the lives you've done to them.
you'll live like the life that you take.
You wanna live in it?
you got everybody living in it.
Hell is now
and you're faced with the lives of the ones that won't fight back.
hell is now
and you feast on the blood of the once with nowhere to run.
hell is now.
You wanna live in it? you got everybody living in it.
Hell is now.
American Gatorade__
And the sun comes up as he puts his hand and the bottle to his lips again.
he faces another day, and man i'd like to see things through your eyes.
Well, walk with me you'll see, Where do you lay your head?, where do you break your bread?
Well, let me take you to the place that i call home. You don't spit unless you are spit on. You've got so much to lose, you don't fuck with a man that lives in the street.
we slum the slums with the whores and the hags, We're even mocked by the trannies in drag
Ran out of money, Well i'm goddamn drinking listerine, We don't wanna be clean. We're the scum of the earth.
And let me take you to the place that i call home. Don't spit unless you are spit on. You got so much to lose, you don't fuck with a man that lives in the street.
you slum the slums with the whores and the hags. Even mocked by the trannies in drag, Ran out of money, well i'm God Damned, Drinking listerine. We don't wanna be clean.
We're the scum of the earth., We're the scum of the earth.
Don't fuck with us.
The rest of the tour went pretty well, Minus the crackhouse we stayed at in tampa where the dude and his pizzaface girlfriend were having relations on the bed that we were in the floor right beside.. We were up and gone by 7:40 that day to find out that our next show was cancelled, So we drove up to the panhandle and stayed in Panama City with Randy and the dudes from Caldwell/Jump the shark. We played minigolf, and I bought some Legal Smoke from the headshop. It was a good day i guess. We found out later that night our fort walton beach show never got booked. Jon did a knockup job with this tour. The next day we ate ci ci's then drove home, We made it to Johnson city with $9.
The next day we played with secret lives at the hideaway. I fucking love my home.
That march, i guess, we recorded the Benedict EP. For a DIY effort, we sold alot of that e.p. I think people were pretty into it. As far as being from the heart, The lyrics for that EP were very personal. They were like letters to the friends that they are about. I was volunteering in the morning at a church outreach downtown. It was a coffee shop for homeless people. I got alot out of it. You could discern between the bums and the legit homeless. It broke my heart to go there and talk to some of these guys. But what can you do?
That spring we had what would probably be the best shows to date booked. We were to Play Brockton, Nashua, Westernmass, Maine, and Long island. The mass/up shows were with Cutthroat, the long island show was with Life in Your Way, Aloveforenemies and a few others.
Due to our van being fucked up and us not having money or cars reliable enough for the journey we didnt' go on this mini-tour. but thats w/e. It happens. Its all in how hard you are ready to work.
We tried to book another small tour that summer, but it didn't work out, we ended up playing like 2 shows. one in Blacksburg, and One in Harrisonburg. They were fun. Joey airborne crept on some scene girls.
Nathan was in a band called Push to Shove. A really kickass skinheadesque hardcore band. They are probably one of the best bands of that style to be from around here. It sucks that they didn't play for that long.
Over the course of about 6 months some things were stewing between our circle of friends. Someone had done a major misdeed as far as trust was concerned. It was nobody in IROM, but people that were connected to us. It was something that was looked into for a long time, and when the shit hit the fan, I handled it the totally wrong way.
Eric Rogers has been a close friend of mine since i was 16 or 17. He's a different kind of guy, with a really big heart for his friends. Instead of going to him first things first with this problem, I just let the powers that be work them out, since it didn't directly effect either of us. When it all came down, he didn't speak to me for like 2 weeks, and after a show i finally blew up on him. I called him a bitch, told him he was acting like a woman, said everything i could say to make him feel like shit. Then i told him to take his shit out of the van and take it home himself. 20 Minutes later I called nathan and asked him to replace rogers.
Not directly because of, but because of the events leading up to this meltdown. I lost a good year and a half of friendship. It sucks, try just seeing your best friend around that you have hung out with every day for years, and not look them in the eye or even say hey to them.
Scandalous women can make this happen for you. Eric. this one's for you.
With nathan in the band, andour music going in another direction. We changed our name to taken away. We started writing faster, heavier music. I loved it. Also with this new material, it kind of formed a concept album of sorts. I kind of drew back from working at the outreach.
One particular song, Hell is Now. Was about this kid that was homeless and orphaned. He lived out on the street here in jc bc once he turned 18, his foster care was finished. He came in one day and told me that someone picked him up to help do some work at their house, and then raped him. He acted like it wasn't a big deal. The guy was a doctor at one of the hospitals, according to this kid. I think the kid was autistic, there was something off with him. Someone took advantage of that. Once i realized what was going on i called the cops so that he could file a report and get checked out. I offered to pay for him to go to the clinic. I could feel my soul dying for this kid. Once the cops took him for the report, i locked up the coffee shop and broke down.
I called out sick for work that day. I don't know why, but for that one day i lost all faith in god and humanity. The more that i worked at the outreach, the more that i found out about this wierd underground of johnson city where alot of the homeless who are addicts and what not, were preyed on by deviant, predatory,horrible people. It made me ill to think about. These guys were drinking mouthwash to get fucked up bc it was cheaper than beer. That summer, i left the outreach and started working in kingsport. Honestly I haven't thought much about it untill right now.
That December-Jan we did a mini-tour with nathan on guitar. It was pretty sweet. We played Spartainburg, Greenville, Charlotte, Greensboro, and Winston Salem. Mostly Skateparks, tatto shops, and stuff like that. Everything went smoothly. I started the tour with a stomach virus. Joey had a cold. By the end of the week, i had a cold and he had the stomach virus.
I'm going to leave you with some lyrics. I wrote these when i worked the outreach.
Break the Mold and, Throw away the cast
You've got nobody fooled you two toned- iscariot.
Hello Dr jeckyl. Good morning mr hyde.
you spit poison with the mouth that medicates.
and you kill with the hand that heals.
(and in due time)
I don't know where and I don't know how,
but you've got yours coming. As soon as you let your guard down
and look the other way.
They will be right here, and we will be right here.
waiting in the shadows, We're going to put it in your fuckin face.
And when life comes down to the wrong you have done and the lives you've done to them.
you'll live like the life that you take.
You wanna live in it?
you got everybody living in it.
Hell is now
and you're faced with the lives of the ones that won't fight back.
hell is now
and you feast on the blood of the once with nowhere to run.
hell is now.
You wanna live in it? you got everybody living in it.
Hell is now.
American Gatorade__
And the sun comes up as he puts his hand and the bottle to his lips again.
he faces another day, and man i'd like to see things through your eyes.
Well, walk with me you'll see, Where do you lay your head?, where do you break your bread?
Well, let me take you to the place that i call home. You don't spit unless you are spit on. You've got so much to lose, you don't fuck with a man that lives in the street.
we slum the slums with the whores and the hags, We're even mocked by the trannies in drag
Ran out of money, Well i'm goddamn drinking listerine, We don't wanna be clean. We're the scum of the earth.
And let me take you to the place that i call home. Don't spit unless you are spit on. You got so much to lose, you don't fuck with a man that lives in the street.
you slum the slums with the whores and the hags. Even mocked by the trannies in drag, Ran out of money, well i'm God Damned, Drinking listerine. We don't wanna be clean.
We're the scum of the earth., We're the scum of the earth.
Don't fuck with us.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
(too)thousand Five (part Deux)
Go point a crooked finger, at everyone around.
Broken hearts, broken dreams, but
the band played on, we didn't miss a beat.
Kill the fatted Calf.
Your son that squandered his fortune,
well, he's coming home.
Expecting you to feed him, clothe him, and put him
on his feet, Honestly.
you're more of a man than i am.
I washed the sands from my feet.
You tell me now, Who was the catalyst.
and i double dare you man, Say that again.
We stood up and with a cup half empty and poured out
all we had!
and we gave of ourselves, Till nothing.. nothing was left
and man,
We gave and we gave and we gave and we gave.
Gave of ourselves untill nothing was left, Nothing was left to give
and man, we wouldnot and we could not, no we wouldnt, we couldn't, we Refused.
We refused to Recognize.
It all became so relevant to me in the summer of 05 when you spoke with your forked tounge and, through dirty teeth, dirty teeth, the band played on. The band played on we didn't miss a beat.
But it became too much. Ya it became too much.
Are you fucking serious???
Give us one last dance, Pack your bags and bid your farewells. Benedict, get out of dodge,
Now Johnson City Swims in quicksand, We'll get out soon enough. We'll run like a pack again we will howl at the moon, we're gonna paint the town in red, and howl at the moon, WE'll run like a pack again, enough said.
This is the first time i've ever written a song that blatanly told one of my close friends that i thought that they had fucked up big time.
Its fall, Johnman has practiced with us a few times, and now we is in IROM. Dean has packed his shit and moved away for the first time. It was good for him, he had some stuff to deal with. He's a genuinely good guy. I love him. I don't think we'll ever be as good of buds as we were when he first joined the band and slept on my couch alot, and we went to macrock. Some of the things that bother me the most in life are the things that just are. This falls under that category.
We geared up for yet another small tour at the end of november. This one would be the most assenine/fun yet. Johnman was in the band now in a big way. he was the perfect fit that had just been here forever. He used to come to shows with us when we would play in kentucky back in like 2001-2002. His mother is a saint. We left for our first day of the novemberathon in Chattanooga. This is my favorite town to play. The kids party hard, they come to shows by the dozens. Just all around a killer place. This particular show was with Maylene and the Sons of Disaster those guys were super nice. That day i ate a bunch of nachos on top of a gut full of wild turkey. I puked my ass off. it was cool. I guess. We stayed at jarrods' that night, and the next morning joey and i got into a mini altercation because he was feeding part of a granola bar to jarrod's dog, as his stepdad was coming in. And i was motioning for him to not do so. he took it as me telling him what to do, and we had a 20 second argument. It happens. We then drove to savannah. We had to stop about 20 miles out to get gas. There was a bird farm by the gas station with an ostrich looking bird. Maybe an EMU. Johnman had a dangle cig and was walking toward it and just flapping his arms We played that night in savannah with maylene and the sons of disaster. I spent most of the evening across the street at Fennigans Irish wake. It was sweet. We stayed with john mcclay at his house, it was 20 * inside and his heat was messed up. We found out that next day that our brunswick show was cancelled. So was our Dothan alabama show. We jumped on a show in hinesville with a NuMetal band whose name slips me. These kids were on their hands and knees worship head banging to these guys. Its all good i guess. The hc kids that came to see us with little notice, were cool. However, they were mostly not let in because the owner was kind of nuts. We stayed at a house party that night. Johnman Got but assed naked and sat on the porch eating pop corn.
I love my friends.
The next day, withfunds a little low, i realized it would be quicker for us to jump on a show in charlotte before we headed home. Luke for the Kids was hosting Backstabbers INC @ a garage in north charlotte. He aggreed to let us come and play. It was killer, we sold a few shirts, which put us over the top on our funds getting home. That night, we drove on home getting to Erwin around 5:am. Going up Derek's 14% grade driveway our carburator didn't go out, it just stopped working very well. I had to call AAA who got ther earound 6. Derek took everyone home in his car. I went to mom and dad's and slept for 3 hours then went to work.
Snake Eyes.
Jon from chattanooga was at that time booking our winter tour with WFOF. It was shaping up. Crystal and I bought a house and started moving in, all in all. Killer times.
Now, we didn't have the money to fix snake eyesbefore tour, so we took My truck, and Wes' pt cruiser. IT was killer. Funnest one to date.
I'll talk about it next week.
These were the times that led up to the Benedict EP 2006. I'm going to post the lyrics to a few songs.
(playing blind man)
Let the domino effect, reverse itself, where the last to fall are teh first to breathe a new life into the world that, has since, grown stale, like the seed that was scattered among the rocks, it comes to life with a fire, but withers fast, because the roots won't hold, and I will carry the broken, i will carry the downtrodden,i will make a way for those who are forced to live amongthe thorns. and i will carry the broken, i will carry the downtrodden, i will make away for those forced to live among the thorns.
And i'll be the drink of water, to a world of bitter tounges, and let the truth be heard
you generation of vipers, you strike at each other, you target every weakenss every move you make If you wanna play blind man, then follow the shepherd.
(set 2 dive)
dear everyone that i've hurt, and everyone, that i've let down, the souls that i could not save, and all the friends that i gave up on, and i drank my eyes heavy just to bring comfort to the room, i filled the air with mindless banter, forcing smile after smile, and nothing gives, well this is where it stops. And i whole heartedly apologize and this is where it stops because i refues to look in the eyes of a loving friend again and again and see every word they hold back, and they hold back, hold back every word. Hold back hold back every word. and see you hold back hold back every word, that you wanted to say.... And if the road to hell was paved in good intentions. then i'm set to dive. Set to dive, for the rest of my life, set to dive.
Because when it all comes down to it. its all amoung the smiling few. The ones that aren't scared to stand up and be that guy, sing every word as if it meant as much to you. Sing everyword as if it meant just as much to you.
Its johnson City's vice.
Broken hearts, broken dreams, but
the band played on, we didn't miss a beat.
Kill the fatted Calf.
Your son that squandered his fortune,
well, he's coming home.
Expecting you to feed him, clothe him, and put him
on his feet, Honestly.
you're more of a man than i am.
I washed the sands from my feet.
You tell me now, Who was the catalyst.
and i double dare you man, Say that again.
We stood up and with a cup half empty and poured out
all we had!
and we gave of ourselves, Till nothing.. nothing was left
and man,
We gave and we gave and we gave and we gave.
Gave of ourselves untill nothing was left, Nothing was left to give
and man, we wouldnot and we could not, no we wouldnt, we couldn't, we Refused.
We refused to Recognize.
It all became so relevant to me in the summer of 05 when you spoke with your forked tounge and, through dirty teeth, dirty teeth, the band played on. The band played on we didn't miss a beat.
But it became too much. Ya it became too much.
Are you fucking serious???
Give us one last dance, Pack your bags and bid your farewells. Benedict, get out of dodge,
Now Johnson City Swims in quicksand, We'll get out soon enough. We'll run like a pack again we will howl at the moon, we're gonna paint the town in red, and howl at the moon, WE'll run like a pack again, enough said.
This is the first time i've ever written a song that blatanly told one of my close friends that i thought that they had fucked up big time.
Its fall, Johnman has practiced with us a few times, and now we is in IROM. Dean has packed his shit and moved away for the first time. It was good for him, he had some stuff to deal with. He's a genuinely good guy. I love him. I don't think we'll ever be as good of buds as we were when he first joined the band and slept on my couch alot, and we went to macrock. Some of the things that bother me the most in life are the things that just are. This falls under that category.
We geared up for yet another small tour at the end of november. This one would be the most assenine/fun yet. Johnman was in the band now in a big way. he was the perfect fit that had just been here forever. He used to come to shows with us when we would play in kentucky back in like 2001-2002. His mother is a saint. We left for our first day of the novemberathon in Chattanooga. This is my favorite town to play. The kids party hard, they come to shows by the dozens. Just all around a killer place. This particular show was with Maylene and the Sons of Disaster those guys were super nice. That day i ate a bunch of nachos on top of a gut full of wild turkey. I puked my ass off. it was cool. I guess. We stayed at jarrods' that night, and the next morning joey and i got into a mini altercation because he was feeding part of a granola bar to jarrod's dog, as his stepdad was coming in. And i was motioning for him to not do so. he took it as me telling him what to do, and we had a 20 second argument. It happens. We then drove to savannah. We had to stop about 20 miles out to get gas. There was a bird farm by the gas station with an ostrich looking bird. Maybe an EMU. Johnman had a dangle cig and was walking toward it and just flapping his arms We played that night in savannah with maylene and the sons of disaster. I spent most of the evening across the street at Fennigans Irish wake. It was sweet. We stayed with john mcclay at his house, it was 20 * inside and his heat was messed up. We found out that next day that our brunswick show was cancelled. So was our Dothan alabama show. We jumped on a show in hinesville with a NuMetal band whose name slips me. These kids were on their hands and knees worship head banging to these guys. Its all good i guess. The hc kids that came to see us with little notice, were cool. However, they were mostly not let in because the owner was kind of nuts. We stayed at a house party that night. Johnman Got but assed naked and sat on the porch eating pop corn.
I love my friends.
The next day, withfunds a little low, i realized it would be quicker for us to jump on a show in charlotte before we headed home. Luke for the Kids was hosting Backstabbers INC @ a garage in north charlotte. He aggreed to let us come and play. It was killer, we sold a few shirts, which put us over the top on our funds getting home. That night, we drove on home getting to Erwin around 5:am. Going up Derek's 14% grade driveway our carburator didn't go out, it just stopped working very well. I had to call AAA who got ther earound 6. Derek took everyone home in his car. I went to mom and dad's and slept for 3 hours then went to work.
Snake Eyes.
Jon from chattanooga was at that time booking our winter tour with WFOF. It was shaping up. Crystal and I bought a house and started moving in, all in all. Killer times.
Now, we didn't have the money to fix snake eyesbefore tour, so we took My truck, and Wes' pt cruiser. IT was killer. Funnest one to date.
I'll talk about it next week.
These were the times that led up to the Benedict EP 2006. I'm going to post the lyrics to a few songs.
(playing blind man)
Let the domino effect, reverse itself, where the last to fall are teh first to breathe a new life into the world that, has since, grown stale, like the seed that was scattered among the rocks, it comes to life with a fire, but withers fast, because the roots won't hold, and I will carry the broken, i will carry the downtrodden,i will make a way for those who are forced to live amongthe thorns. and i will carry the broken, i will carry the downtrodden, i will make away for those forced to live among the thorns.
And i'll be the drink of water, to a world of bitter tounges, and let the truth be heard
you generation of vipers, you strike at each other, you target every weakenss every move you make If you wanna play blind man, then follow the shepherd.
(set 2 dive)
dear everyone that i've hurt, and everyone, that i've let down, the souls that i could not save, and all the friends that i gave up on, and i drank my eyes heavy just to bring comfort to the room, i filled the air with mindless banter, forcing smile after smile, and nothing gives, well this is where it stops. And i whole heartedly apologize and this is where it stops because i refues to look in the eyes of a loving friend again and again and see every word they hold back, and they hold back, hold back every word. Hold back hold back every word. and see you hold back hold back every word, that you wanted to say.... And if the road to hell was paved in good intentions. then i'm set to dive. Set to dive, for the rest of my life, set to dive.
Because when it all comes down to it. its all amoung the smiling few. The ones that aren't scared to stand up and be that guy, sing every word as if it meant as much to you. Sing everyword as if it meant just as much to you.
Its johnson City's vice.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
2005-I'm alive
2005 was a big year for me. Irom was doing pretty good, Aaron had decided that he was going to pursue a new path in life. This meant that he wasn't going to be in irom anymore. It wasn't really a huge bummer, we all saw it coming. He was going to school 5 hours away. These things happen. We went to birmingham to record our new 3 song demo. It was a blast, we were really impressed with the outcome. We knew that we needed either a 2nd guitar player, or a bassist we looked at our options and decided to move rog to guitar and get a new bass player. We practiced with Jon weems. I really wish we would have had him in the band. We chose Mean Dean Kennedy. He was a nice kid, but he had alot of his own things going on. Needless to say, he was a super nice kid tho. I liked being in a band with him for a while. At this point, the hardcore scene in johnson city was developing. We suddenly weren't the only band playing shows. We had other locals to play with. Big Rig were a band by this time, Without Cause from elizabethton, Twisted Logic from kingsport, if looks could kill and probably a few other bands that I don't remember, or didn't know of. I guess by standards of what "hardcore" is none of us were really HC bands. Whatever. Tim and dave were bringing alot of good Metal and hardcore bands to the tri cities. We were kind of in a falling out with the hideaway for a little while, so we played alot of shows at what used to be 7th street pub in bristol. They brought in through the eyes of the dead, Job for a Cowboy, Hoods, and alot of other really good bands. Shows for us were awesome too. We were out of town just about every week it seemed like. I wanted irom to get signed and get huge (as do alot of guys in bands). It kind of hurt my home life, it was like I was a part of this thing, and she was just there. She's an amazing girl for sticking it out with me, when we were making less than liveable income, and ate ramen noodles and did all of that shit that you do when you live alone, and are constantly strapped for cash. We had a few people talk to us.
I got a call from lifeforce records one time, they said that they were interested in us, So did Eulogy/handofhope. Jason Facedown liked our demos, 5point records were into us, but at the time none of these labels would commit. In the long run, Life force would have kicked a handfull of asses. But i'm glad that we didn't get signed to any of those other labels. We aren't in Debt over this band now, so thats a good thing.
Around march i got a phone call that my grandmother had died. I had to go to Iowa with my mother and father for her funeral. It was kind of surreal. I got to see all of my family that i hadn't seen in about 4 or 5 years. They were all doing about the same. I love them dearly. My little cousin leland is probably the wildest assed guy out. He's into lamb of god and he jams guitars nonstop. I wish he lived down here and i could take him to shows with me, and i could say, this is my cousin leland and he kicks ass. I digress. My grandmother was this 4'11 petite little lady. She was the biggest sweetheart i've ever met. She was probably the only reason that i would have ever went back to iowa. I'm not really close with anyone else up there. Don't get me wrong, i love my family, but i don't really ahve a bond with all of them the way i did with her.
that night, to ease the tension, My uncle randy (kicks so much ass), my dad, and I went to the Riverboat casino in davenport IA. To my surprise, A crown and coke was $1. I'm not even fucking joking. I put 5 dollars in the quarter slot and won $250 immediately, so i moved to the dollar slots. I was up then down. I drank probably 10 crowns and coke in a span of 2 hours, so i wasn't on my a-game. I still walked away with 200 bucks. Dad comes and gets me and is like, how much money did you lose pussy? I replied, I made $200 and started laughing hysterically. He apparently had lost about that much on blackjack. We're walking out, and he says. "snif snif", your drunk off your ass aren't you? I kind of laughed, then was like, at least my shirt is tucked in. We went back to the hotel. the next morning there was a cardinal on the windowseal. It was singing untill i woke up and looked at it. It sang a little more and then flew away. It was so weird. My grandmother was obsessed with cardnals. It was on the window seal just long enough to see it, and then think about that. then it flew away.
The next day we took the 13 hour drive back home. Dean's old band Afternoon at the Autopsey were playing, and Dan erb was singing for them. I got to my car, drove to Ireson's in bristol and watched them play. imosh'd.
When april rolled around. Dean, Dan Erb, and myself decided to (spur of the moment) go to Macrock. These were the worst 2 days of dan erbs life up untill this point. We decided to sleep in dan's car. it was a sports car. Both Dean and I were big guys. it was kind of hard. Whatever, we didn't have cash for a hotel. the first night, it was a bunch of shitty, metalcore bands a'la bury your dead, fassw, etc. Dan stomp moshed so hard that he slipped and busted his chin wide open on the floor. I tried to make him feel better and tell him it didn't look that bad. He had a butterfly bandaid on it, adn it was just oozing blood. Poor guy, he had to go to the hospital. i stayed and watched some band that sucked. I'm such a shitty friend that i watched a band over going to the hospital with dan. one day i'll make up for it. Aside from paint it black, and municipal waste, the show was a bust.
Instead of staying there that night i convinced dan that i was alert enough to drive home. About 4 hours into the drive, i fell asleep and ran his car into a guard rail. It was just a side swipe. It could have been buffed out.. I felt like a TOTAL tool. What an idiot.
I was glad to get home.
That may, steve quit Across 5 Aprils. We drove to chattanooga to play his last show with them at the fathom. It was such a fun show. Caldwell from florida played too. This would be one of the funnest shows that year. "i wan't 2 free frosties, God damnit" Just sayin.
After the show there was a party at Jarrod's house. We got so absolutly oblitterated drunk. Rog's wallet chain got stuck to the carpet, and he proglaimed that he was bound by the X. I greco roman wrestled randy in the living room. Then danced to James brown in my socks with jarrod's mom. Wes did a handstand and just leaned up against the wall. It was insane. We were to be in Spruce Pine North Carolina the next day at 6 p.m. We left Jarrod's house at about 2.pm the next day, still drunk. I had to get joey who was straight edge at the time, to drive. He made me so nervous that i just fell back asleep. We made it over the mountain and to spruce pine by 7. We were all hungover and ashamed/stoked of how much we drank. Either way, we smelled/felt like shit. When we got into downtown, I was like who's that black girl in Spruce pine? It was Khia, Then i was like.. oh... It was all of our wives and girlfriends. It was cool, but the last thing i expected to see in spruce pine NC. Good day.
Josh from Soceitey's finest decided we needed a manager, so he was trying to get us signed. We did a weekend in June of 05 to go play with society's finest on one of their 15 regroupings/tours. We drove from here to birmingham alabama to play the first show, we blew both back tires on the way and set ourselves back about 350 bucks at pep boys. Nice. We finally made it to the show, it was pretty cool i guess. Not very memorable. We stayed the night in a church and had to leave at 8:am. That 8 a.m. it was about 90* outside. it was so muggy i almost died. I couldn't wait to get back to chattanooga. We pulled into town around i would say noon. We took our sweet time driving north. When we got into chattanooga, we had nothing to do, nowhere to go, and no money for a hotel. Our friend Jen was going to let us stay with her, but we had to wait untill she got out of class around 2. It was HOT. I'm talking blistering hot. I noticed that down by the bridge there was a fountain/water park looking deal that some kids were playing in. We all were wearing mesh shorts anyway (it was 2005 fuck you!) So we went and played in the water for a hour or so. We got dried off and went to eat at amigo. It was cool. I gave dean $5 of band money to get food with and told him that i didn't have any other money to give him. His meal ended up being like 6.50 I fronted him the 2 bucks, i didn't mind, but i broke his balls for it.
maybe i'm kind of a jerk, i dunno. We went and hung out at jen's house, I slept on her hardwood floor for the majority of the afternoon. We watched a danzig video. and then went and pet her horse. When we were driving back into town we almost ran over a turtle. That was cool. I'm glad we didnt' hit it. Of all the animals out, i think turtles are the most chill and laid back. They don't bother anybody, why fuck withem?
We played at a place called the green martian in East Ridge. It was killer, I saw robby from Rifles at Recess, i hadn't seen him in like 3 or 4 years, he had lost so much weight and seemed to be doing good. Ruiner played that show. It was the first time i had seen them. They were fucking awesome. And killer nice guys. Day of The Dead from portugal were out with them on this tour. They were super nice guys as well.
That summer there were alot of parties at my friend brandon's house in blountville. He had a pool, we likesed to party, so it was the spot. I power chugged a good portion of a handle of svedka vodka at his house on July 3rd I got incredibly drunk, dove through a child size life saver in the pool, didn't make a splash. Rode down the slide with the bottle of vodka in my hands.
Joey kept sayin, "are you thirsty kenney, why yes i am kenney!!" and i kept drinking it like it was a big slam of mountain dew. I got so drunk that i seriously could not walk. I fell down the stairs and in an effort to not fall i grabbed a rope hanging from the steps and rang this bell really loud. Then i ran in circles trying to gain my wits, then i fell face first and puked all over the ground, myself, my brand new white tall tee, and mybrand new white flat bill. Being a 320lb man has its disadvantages, like when you are passed out in someone's back yard and you can't get up. I rolled to dans car, got in and passed out. The next day i had a slip and slide party at my crib. It was amazing. 75 feet of painters tarp, so many beers, so many dudes, so awesome. I have had at least 1 per year since then. They just keep getting better.
Once again it was time for tour. Here's what the tour looked like for this summer
I don't know the dates, so here are the places
London KY- Some rec center at a state park
Chatanooga- Fathom/w secret lives
Nashville- Rockettown
West Virginia- Logan State park
Asheville, NC- Some church
Lincolnton NC- VFW
Savanna GA- Starland CCA
This was one of my favorite tours that we did. It was the only one that dean went on. The first date was in London KY at this rec center. It was pretty cool. We played with some good bands, and afterwards went to Trish's house to spend the night. It was a small house, and there were like 25 people in the house. It was wild. Wes and joey slept in the van, i slept in her brother's bedroom floor. It was one of those situations where its almost surreal that you are there. We slept for a few hours andthen got up to pack and leave. We were making our oatmeal and assorted foods that we had packed for ourselves. I had this Mix pack with cheese its, rice crispy treats and mounds or somethign liek that in it. I had it hidden away so nobody would munch on my grindeage. That will come into play later in the story. Trish's mom asked if we liked cream of wheat. When we said yes, she gave us like 5 boxes. It was cool. We called it Gruel. In a very gilbert Godfree voice i would say Dean come get ya greuel!
The kid from a suburban blood drive was asleep on the couch, and the girl that lived there put a dildo in his mouth. that was enough, i was ready to go. I went to shake dean and wake him. He was sacked out with Trish the dish in the same sleeping bag. Knowing that he showered like probably a week before we left made me cringe at the thought of how bad that sleeping bag must smell. But then i noticed that her hair was perfect. So in wanting to inspect a little further, I pulled a strand of her hair up and the entire motherfucekr came with it. Her hairs were so plastered with hair spray that it just didn't move. Nice. She was a nice enough girl.
I later learned that he "fingerbanged her" Classy.
That day we drove to chattanooga. it was cool. We played with secret lives at the fathom, we drank beers at Buck wild saloon, Jim flirted with heather (the girl that worked there). It was all good. We played and parted ways. We staeyd with Josh a5a that night. I had bought myself (with money i didn't really have extra) a pint bottle of Crown royal and a big slam pepsi. Dean didn't have any money and he wanted to drink a little, so i bougth him a half pint of canadian club for like 2.50 or something cheap like that. i had made my drink, and was about to sip on it, when dean slung the minifridge door open slinging my bottle of crown out and shattering it on the floor. He kind of looked at me with a blank stare, i threw a shirt at him and said. Dean sop at shit up!. We gave him an immense amount of shit. But i don't think anyone else had. We all came from a long line of shit givers, thats what we do. Dean was too stubborn to admit that he fucked up some times, so he would try to white lie his way out of it, unfortunately he usually fell into a mountain of shit by doing so. Who cares. We got about halfway to nashville, and dean was like, i left my backpack at the venue last night. Some bum is probably walking around in my hatebreed shirt. I digress.
That night we played in nashville. It was a super fun show, the venue was nice. We all ate 2 packs of ramen noodles adn were stoked. John weems and Ben farmer just drove down and watched the show. I love those guys. Jamie randall said we could stay with her for the 2 days we had off. She lived in this house with a married couple that i didn't really know about. She was super cool tho. I woke up early the next day and went and got into her pool with a case of budweisers. I just floated and drank. it was heaven. One of the people that lived there came out and asked who i was, and i said. I'm jake whats up? they knew who we were a little later. The people were super nice. Dean told them what happened to him and they (without dean sweet talking them) gave him a carton of cigs and like $70. It helped him out alot. He was able to buy a new gold tip cable and get some food. One thing i never took into consideration when breaking his stones was that he was barely 18, and probably hadn't had to budget money for himself before. It wasn't his fault. But he would do things to bring attention to himself. And that mixed in with the boredom of driving 5 hours a day made him a prime target for all of our ridicule.
The next day we drove to Logan west virginia, USA. It was in the middle of nowhere. We played in a pavillion outside with some band that had a keytar player. He was dead serious too. Everyone was kind of on pins and needles and it was only day 5 haha. When we played we got 3 songs into our set, and a forest ranger shut us down. We then drove into town and paid $70 for a hotel room that was like 8x12. It was like a hallway with a bed. I never called bed, but today i called the fuck out of it. We all showered slept, and watched TV. It was nice. The next day as we were getting ready to leave we watched a national geographic documentary about some native tribe who wore cock guords. They were trying to foce a pig to walk across a bamboo bridge. and thier guoards kept crossing and getting in the way. It was hillarious. We then began our drive to asheville, nc. about 1.5 hours into the trip we were in lovely wise va eating at Wendys. We all are paying for our food. Dean looks at wes and says. hey man, can i borrow 2 bucks. 1 day after that family gave him all that money. He had to buy a bunch of shit for his bass tho, so i can't fault him too much. Wes says why? and he says, cause i only have money for a single combo, and i want a double. Wes had a $.99 jr cheeseburger and a kids drink. hahahaha. I 'll never forget the look on his face. I loved it. Then, the quote of the Decade hits. These two shit ass kids sitting with their still under 21 mom at a table beside us are talking to each other and one says to another, Auye!, Do you love French fries better than Bacon?. I had to take a walk. It was hillarious to me for some reason. We then stopped in big stone gap. one of the most beautiful drives in the tri state area to get gas. Someone in the van takes the chordless telephone. and is making a call to some chick. It was funny. We played with hide the runnaways that night in asheville at this killer church parsonage. it was cool. We came home for the night Dean didn't really have anywhere to go, he couldn't stay with me and crystal because i had other things on my mind. pretty much, everyone did. We dropped him off at seminole ridge to crash a party at one of our friend's apartments. It was a wierd time in our friend's life, he had alot of stuff he had to work out, and so did we. Its a perfect example of how close quarters can brig out the worst in people.
he was at joey's for us to leave again the next day and go to Charlotte. we had a new song called tweeter will take the snaps. it was about our friend dan, who booked our first show in charlotte, he had passed away that year in a motorcycle accident. I was really excited, and nervous to play this song for those dudes. All of our friends were there. TJ, Loy, Luke, drew, cagle, Skippy, Aaron, keenan, all of the spruce pine crew. When we played that song everyone was dancing and going nuts, it made me feel like a million dollars. I wanted to hug everyone there. Funny/assholish thing that i did. When we were driving to the show, we drove by a funeral percession(sp?) and i leaned out the window and screamed "Hell yeah! don't fear the reaper!"
I want to say that we got a hotel room that night too. I don't remember tho. I think we had a hotel room. The next day we drove to Savanna. We had never played there, so we didn't really know what to expect. This place was in the ghetto. But it was cool. The kids were really responsive. We sold some merch, most importantly we had fun and met some new friends. We drove back over the boarder to SC and stayed at their drummers house. We all had 32 oz hurricane's since they didn't have 40 oz. wierd. We chilled in the pool. Rogers got butt assed nude. Totally ruined this kids makeout session in teh kitchen. We woke up a little later than we meant to. the kid that lives there was cool enough to let us sleep in when he left for work. We left the house neat and tidy. Then we Came home.
That night Bigrig was playing at the hideaway. Dean quit the band that night. He went in for one last dance to bigrig and nicole pulled his pants down. he got his shit and left.
When i look back there are things i would have done differently.
It goes to show you never can tell.
2005 was a big year. We played over 100 shows. I'll finish later.
I have work to do.
I got a call from lifeforce records one time, they said that they were interested in us, So did Eulogy/handofhope. Jason Facedown liked our demos, 5point records were into us, but at the time none of these labels would commit. In the long run, Life force would have kicked a handfull of asses. But i'm glad that we didn't get signed to any of those other labels. We aren't in Debt over this band now, so thats a good thing.
Around march i got a phone call that my grandmother had died. I had to go to Iowa with my mother and father for her funeral. It was kind of surreal. I got to see all of my family that i hadn't seen in about 4 or 5 years. They were all doing about the same. I love them dearly. My little cousin leland is probably the wildest assed guy out. He's into lamb of god and he jams guitars nonstop. I wish he lived down here and i could take him to shows with me, and i could say, this is my cousin leland and he kicks ass. I digress. My grandmother was this 4'11 petite little lady. She was the biggest sweetheart i've ever met. She was probably the only reason that i would have ever went back to iowa. I'm not really close with anyone else up there. Don't get me wrong, i love my family, but i don't really ahve a bond with all of them the way i did with her.
that night, to ease the tension, My uncle randy (kicks so much ass), my dad, and I went to the Riverboat casino in davenport IA. To my surprise, A crown and coke was $1. I'm not even fucking joking. I put 5 dollars in the quarter slot and won $250 immediately, so i moved to the dollar slots. I was up then down. I drank probably 10 crowns and coke in a span of 2 hours, so i wasn't on my a-game. I still walked away with 200 bucks. Dad comes and gets me and is like, how much money did you lose pussy? I replied, I made $200 and started laughing hysterically. He apparently had lost about that much on blackjack. We're walking out, and he says. "snif snif", your drunk off your ass aren't you? I kind of laughed, then was like, at least my shirt is tucked in. We went back to the hotel. the next morning there was a cardinal on the windowseal. It was singing untill i woke up and looked at it. It sang a little more and then flew away. It was so weird. My grandmother was obsessed with cardnals. It was on the window seal just long enough to see it, and then think about that. then it flew away.
The next day we took the 13 hour drive back home. Dean's old band Afternoon at the Autopsey were playing, and Dan erb was singing for them. I got to my car, drove to Ireson's in bristol and watched them play. imosh'd.
When april rolled around. Dean, Dan Erb, and myself decided to (spur of the moment) go to Macrock. These were the worst 2 days of dan erbs life up untill this point. We decided to sleep in dan's car. it was a sports car. Both Dean and I were big guys. it was kind of hard. Whatever, we didn't have cash for a hotel. the first night, it was a bunch of shitty, metalcore bands a'la bury your dead, fassw, etc. Dan stomp moshed so hard that he slipped and busted his chin wide open on the floor. I tried to make him feel better and tell him it didn't look that bad. He had a butterfly bandaid on it, adn it was just oozing blood. Poor guy, he had to go to the hospital. i stayed and watched some band that sucked. I'm such a shitty friend that i watched a band over going to the hospital with dan. one day i'll make up for it. Aside from paint it black, and municipal waste, the show was a bust.
Instead of staying there that night i convinced dan that i was alert enough to drive home. About 4 hours into the drive, i fell asleep and ran his car into a guard rail. It was just a side swipe. It could have been buffed out.. I felt like a TOTAL tool. What an idiot.
I was glad to get home.
That may, steve quit Across 5 Aprils. We drove to chattanooga to play his last show with them at the fathom. It was such a fun show. Caldwell from florida played too. This would be one of the funnest shows that year. "i wan't 2 free frosties, God damnit" Just sayin.
After the show there was a party at Jarrod's house. We got so absolutly oblitterated drunk. Rog's wallet chain got stuck to the carpet, and he proglaimed that he was bound by the X. I greco roman wrestled randy in the living room. Then danced to James brown in my socks with jarrod's mom. Wes did a handstand and just leaned up against the wall. It was insane. We were to be in Spruce Pine North Carolina the next day at 6 p.m. We left Jarrod's house at about 2.pm the next day, still drunk. I had to get joey who was straight edge at the time, to drive. He made me so nervous that i just fell back asleep. We made it over the mountain and to spruce pine by 7. We were all hungover and ashamed/stoked of how much we drank. Either way, we smelled/felt like shit. When we got into downtown, I was like who's that black girl in Spruce pine? It was Khia, Then i was like.. oh... It was all of our wives and girlfriends. It was cool, but the last thing i expected to see in spruce pine NC. Good day.
Josh from Soceitey's finest decided we needed a manager, so he was trying to get us signed. We did a weekend in June of 05 to go play with society's finest on one of their 15 regroupings/tours. We drove from here to birmingham alabama to play the first show, we blew both back tires on the way and set ourselves back about 350 bucks at pep boys. Nice. We finally made it to the show, it was pretty cool i guess. Not very memorable. We stayed the night in a church and had to leave at 8:am. That 8 a.m. it was about 90* outside. it was so muggy i almost died. I couldn't wait to get back to chattanooga. We pulled into town around i would say noon. We took our sweet time driving north. When we got into chattanooga, we had nothing to do, nowhere to go, and no money for a hotel. Our friend Jen was going to let us stay with her, but we had to wait untill she got out of class around 2. It was HOT. I'm talking blistering hot. I noticed that down by the bridge there was a fountain/water park looking deal that some kids were playing in. We all were wearing mesh shorts anyway (it was 2005 fuck you!) So we went and played in the water for a hour or so. We got dried off and went to eat at amigo. It was cool. I gave dean $5 of band money to get food with and told him that i didn't have any other money to give him. His meal ended up being like 6.50 I fronted him the 2 bucks, i didn't mind, but i broke his balls for it.
maybe i'm kind of a jerk, i dunno. We went and hung out at jen's house, I slept on her hardwood floor for the majority of the afternoon. We watched a danzig video. and then went and pet her horse. When we were driving back into town we almost ran over a turtle. That was cool. I'm glad we didnt' hit it. Of all the animals out, i think turtles are the most chill and laid back. They don't bother anybody, why fuck withem?
We played at a place called the green martian in East Ridge. It was killer, I saw robby from Rifles at Recess, i hadn't seen him in like 3 or 4 years, he had lost so much weight and seemed to be doing good. Ruiner played that show. It was the first time i had seen them. They were fucking awesome. And killer nice guys. Day of The Dead from portugal were out with them on this tour. They were super nice guys as well.
That summer there were alot of parties at my friend brandon's house in blountville. He had a pool, we likesed to party, so it was the spot. I power chugged a good portion of a handle of svedka vodka at his house on July 3rd I got incredibly drunk, dove through a child size life saver in the pool, didn't make a splash. Rode down the slide with the bottle of vodka in my hands.
Joey kept sayin, "are you thirsty kenney, why yes i am kenney!!" and i kept drinking it like it was a big slam of mountain dew. I got so drunk that i seriously could not walk. I fell down the stairs and in an effort to not fall i grabbed a rope hanging from the steps and rang this bell really loud. Then i ran in circles trying to gain my wits, then i fell face first and puked all over the ground, myself, my brand new white tall tee, and mybrand new white flat bill. Being a 320lb man has its disadvantages, like when you are passed out in someone's back yard and you can't get up. I rolled to dans car, got in and passed out. The next day i had a slip and slide party at my crib. It was amazing. 75 feet of painters tarp, so many beers, so many dudes, so awesome. I have had at least 1 per year since then. They just keep getting better.
Once again it was time for tour. Here's what the tour looked like for this summer
I don't know the dates, so here are the places
London KY- Some rec center at a state park
Chatanooga- Fathom/w secret lives
Nashville- Rockettown
West Virginia- Logan State park
Asheville, NC- Some church
Lincolnton NC- VFW
Savanna GA- Starland CCA
This was one of my favorite tours that we did. It was the only one that dean went on. The first date was in London KY at this rec center. It was pretty cool. We played with some good bands, and afterwards went to Trish's house to spend the night. It was a small house, and there were like 25 people in the house. It was wild. Wes and joey slept in the van, i slept in her brother's bedroom floor. It was one of those situations where its almost surreal that you are there. We slept for a few hours andthen got up to pack and leave. We were making our oatmeal and assorted foods that we had packed for ourselves. I had this Mix pack with cheese its, rice crispy treats and mounds or somethign liek that in it. I had it hidden away so nobody would munch on my grindeage. That will come into play later in the story. Trish's mom asked if we liked cream of wheat. When we said yes, she gave us like 5 boxes. It was cool. We called it Gruel. In a very gilbert Godfree voice i would say Dean come get ya greuel!
The kid from a suburban blood drive was asleep on the couch, and the girl that lived there put a dildo in his mouth. that was enough, i was ready to go. I went to shake dean and wake him. He was sacked out with Trish the dish in the same sleeping bag. Knowing that he showered like probably a week before we left made me cringe at the thought of how bad that sleeping bag must smell. But then i noticed that her hair was perfect. So in wanting to inspect a little further, I pulled a strand of her hair up and the entire motherfucekr came with it. Her hairs were so plastered with hair spray that it just didn't move. Nice. She was a nice enough girl.
I later learned that he "fingerbanged her" Classy.
That day we drove to chattanooga. it was cool. We played with secret lives at the fathom, we drank beers at Buck wild saloon, Jim flirted with heather (the girl that worked there). It was all good. We played and parted ways. We staeyd with Josh a5a that night. I had bought myself (with money i didn't really have extra) a pint bottle of Crown royal and a big slam pepsi. Dean didn't have any money and he wanted to drink a little, so i bougth him a half pint of canadian club for like 2.50 or something cheap like that. i had made my drink, and was about to sip on it, when dean slung the minifridge door open slinging my bottle of crown out and shattering it on the floor. He kind of looked at me with a blank stare, i threw a shirt at him and said. Dean sop at shit up!. We gave him an immense amount of shit. But i don't think anyone else had. We all came from a long line of shit givers, thats what we do. Dean was too stubborn to admit that he fucked up some times, so he would try to white lie his way out of it, unfortunately he usually fell into a mountain of shit by doing so. Who cares. We got about halfway to nashville, and dean was like, i left my backpack at the venue last night. Some bum is probably walking around in my hatebreed shirt. I digress.
That night we played in nashville. It was a super fun show, the venue was nice. We all ate 2 packs of ramen noodles adn were stoked. John weems and Ben farmer just drove down and watched the show. I love those guys. Jamie randall said we could stay with her for the 2 days we had off. She lived in this house with a married couple that i didn't really know about. She was super cool tho. I woke up early the next day and went and got into her pool with a case of budweisers. I just floated and drank. it was heaven. One of the people that lived there came out and asked who i was, and i said. I'm jake whats up? they knew who we were a little later. The people were super nice. Dean told them what happened to him and they (without dean sweet talking them) gave him a carton of cigs and like $70. It helped him out alot. He was able to buy a new gold tip cable and get some food. One thing i never took into consideration when breaking his stones was that he was barely 18, and probably hadn't had to budget money for himself before. It wasn't his fault. But he would do things to bring attention to himself. And that mixed in with the boredom of driving 5 hours a day made him a prime target for all of our ridicule.
The next day we drove to Logan west virginia, USA. It was in the middle of nowhere. We played in a pavillion outside with some band that had a keytar player. He was dead serious too. Everyone was kind of on pins and needles and it was only day 5 haha. When we played we got 3 songs into our set, and a forest ranger shut us down. We then drove into town and paid $70 for a hotel room that was like 8x12. It was like a hallway with a bed. I never called bed, but today i called the fuck out of it. We all showered slept, and watched TV. It was nice. The next day as we were getting ready to leave we watched a national geographic documentary about some native tribe who wore cock guords. They were trying to foce a pig to walk across a bamboo bridge. and thier guoards kept crossing and getting in the way. It was hillarious. We then began our drive to asheville, nc. about 1.5 hours into the trip we were in lovely wise va eating at Wendys. We all are paying for our food. Dean looks at wes and says. hey man, can i borrow 2 bucks. 1 day after that family gave him all that money. He had to buy a bunch of shit for his bass tho, so i can't fault him too much. Wes says why? and he says, cause i only have money for a single combo, and i want a double. Wes had a $.99 jr cheeseburger and a kids drink. hahahaha. I 'll never forget the look on his face. I loved it. Then, the quote of the Decade hits. These two shit ass kids sitting with their still under 21 mom at a table beside us are talking to each other and one says to another, Auye!, Do you love French fries better than Bacon?. I had to take a walk. It was hillarious to me for some reason. We then stopped in big stone gap. one of the most beautiful drives in the tri state area to get gas. Someone in the van takes the chordless telephone. and is making a call to some chick. It was funny. We played with hide the runnaways that night in asheville at this killer church parsonage. it was cool. We came home for the night Dean didn't really have anywhere to go, he couldn't stay with me and crystal because i had other things on my mind. pretty much, everyone did. We dropped him off at seminole ridge to crash a party at one of our friend's apartments. It was a wierd time in our friend's life, he had alot of stuff he had to work out, and so did we. Its a perfect example of how close quarters can brig out the worst in people.
he was at joey's for us to leave again the next day and go to Charlotte. we had a new song called tweeter will take the snaps. it was about our friend dan, who booked our first show in charlotte, he had passed away that year in a motorcycle accident. I was really excited, and nervous to play this song for those dudes. All of our friends were there. TJ, Loy, Luke, drew, cagle, Skippy, Aaron, keenan, all of the spruce pine crew. When we played that song everyone was dancing and going nuts, it made me feel like a million dollars. I wanted to hug everyone there. Funny/assholish thing that i did. When we were driving to the show, we drove by a funeral percession(sp?) and i leaned out the window and screamed "Hell yeah! don't fear the reaper!"
I want to say that we got a hotel room that night too. I don't remember tho. I think we had a hotel room. The next day we drove to Savanna. We had never played there, so we didn't really know what to expect. This place was in the ghetto. But it was cool. The kids were really responsive. We sold some merch, most importantly we had fun and met some new friends. We drove back over the boarder to SC and stayed at their drummers house. We all had 32 oz hurricane's since they didn't have 40 oz. wierd. We chilled in the pool. Rogers got butt assed nude. Totally ruined this kids makeout session in teh kitchen. We woke up a little later than we meant to. the kid that lives there was cool enough to let us sleep in when he left for work. We left the house neat and tidy. Then we Came home.
That night Bigrig was playing at the hideaway. Dean quit the band that night. He went in for one last dance to bigrig and nicole pulled his pants down. he got his shit and left.
When i look back there are things i would have done differently.
It goes to show you never can tell.
2005 was a big year. We played over 100 shows. I'll finish later.
I have work to do.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Take it in
I'm not going to start on 2005 this week. I want to give you this instead. When you go from memory and start re-living the bad, good, and otherwise insignificant moments in life, remember parts of that memory that didn't really make a difference, but could put you back in the situation.
I big part of my memory is smell and sound. Today I was reading the lyric sheet for the new test dream e.p. Ryan and Brian are working on. One of the songs "excitement gang" gives reference of our old practice space 2000-2001 called the Underground. It was FIB's practice space, then when brian and wes joined Sevenate9, we started practicing there.
I hadn't really thought about this place in a long time. I immediately remembered the old carpet/mildew smell that place had. It was so hot in there, the walls were covered in styrofoam to soundproof it. They had sharpie drawings all over them. It was perfect. Remembering this reminded me of when we played our first out of town show. My dad took us because we were all still kind of young, and he was excited for us. This girl that i was into came with us, and rode in the floor board, hahaha. Joey had bought a set of premier drums, It was our first show where he used them. He was so excited about them. They were Maroon, and he tightened the high tom so tight that he stripped the bolt first things first. He was kind of bummed.
I remember how my van had a knock in the caliber, and how i had to get my breaks fixed after this trip. I remember doing a guitar sling for the first time at that show, and freaking out so hard that i pulled it off, that fell down and just floor jammed.
The mention of the underground reminded me of the smell. Which reminded me of all of this.
On september 11th. 2001. Nick barnes and I were in elizabethton hanging out at Daniel and Josh's house. We were gung ho on america, and ready to kick some terrorists asses. We were young, whatever. I remember driving home and nick was like, Dude, i lost my keys will you come back and get me? So i drove 30 minutes back to elizabethton, To get him, and his car was gone. So i call his house in erwin, and he had already found his keys and drove home. He left me a note at the underground. but it blew away because he didn't put a rock on top of it on the step. I was almost out of gas, so i had to stop and get gas in elizabethton, on elk ave, the day of the 911 when every hillbilly in the world was getting gas on elk ave because we were getting ready to go to war with the arabs. I was so pissed off at him i could have fought him.
Nick is a stand up guy. If not for him i would probably be alot more uptight. He broke my balls about my uptightness untill i dropped my guard a little bit. I love him. He's one guy that no matter who you are, or where you are, If you had one day earlier took a shit on his entire life, If you asked him for anything he would find a way to get it for you.
So Nick barnes..
This one's for you.
I big part of my memory is smell and sound. Today I was reading the lyric sheet for the new test dream e.p. Ryan and Brian are working on. One of the songs "excitement gang" gives reference of our old practice space 2000-2001 called the Underground. It was FIB's practice space, then when brian and wes joined Sevenate9, we started practicing there.
I hadn't really thought about this place in a long time. I immediately remembered the old carpet/mildew smell that place had. It was so hot in there, the walls were covered in styrofoam to soundproof it. They had sharpie drawings all over them. It was perfect. Remembering this reminded me of when we played our first out of town show. My dad took us because we were all still kind of young, and he was excited for us. This girl that i was into came with us, and rode in the floor board, hahaha. Joey had bought a set of premier drums, It was our first show where he used them. He was so excited about them. They were Maroon, and he tightened the high tom so tight that he stripped the bolt first things first. He was kind of bummed.
I remember how my van had a knock in the caliber, and how i had to get my breaks fixed after this trip. I remember doing a guitar sling for the first time at that show, and freaking out so hard that i pulled it off, that fell down and just floor jammed.
The mention of the underground reminded me of the smell. Which reminded me of all of this.
On september 11th. 2001. Nick barnes and I were in elizabethton hanging out at Daniel and Josh's house. We were gung ho on america, and ready to kick some terrorists asses. We were young, whatever. I remember driving home and nick was like, Dude, i lost my keys will you come back and get me? So i drove 30 minutes back to elizabethton, To get him, and his car was gone. So i call his house in erwin, and he had already found his keys and drove home. He left me a note at the underground. but it blew away because he didn't put a rock on top of it on the step. I was almost out of gas, so i had to stop and get gas in elizabethton, on elk ave, the day of the 911 when every hillbilly in the world was getting gas on elk ave because we were getting ready to go to war with the arabs. I was so pissed off at him i could have fought him.
Nick is a stand up guy. If not for him i would probably be alot more uptight. He broke my balls about my uptightness untill i dropped my guard a little bit. I love him. He's one guy that no matter who you are, or where you are, If you had one day earlier took a shit on his entire life, If you asked him for anything he would find a way to get it for you.
So Nick barnes..
This one's for you.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
(two thousand) Four More Years!
It was 2004. I was set to get married in July. I was living with mike huff in a condo in north Johnson City. Life was good.
I had just started working at ACT in boones creek. That was a miserable place. I hated it more than mayonaise. I worked in Litton Loan Servicing, which wasn't bad. You just collected on past due mortgages. It was just being locked in a building with no sunlight, and surrounded by people who were miserable, I was miserable, IT was miserable. The only redeeming factor about the place was that Jon Weems lives close to the place. This began the years of EDS.
EDS was the Extreme Doom Squad. The origin of the name comes from a night at our practice space when i took colored tape and drew godzilla on our bass cab. Joey, then took the tape and wrote Extreem Doom. Then he Also put that on his bass drum. We then decided that Extreme doom squad kicked ass, so it was our new joke crew. Anyway, we hung out at jons house every single night, sometimes untill sun-up. It was fun. He is a killer guy, and one of my best friends to this day.
We played some shows at the hideaway, but mostly at the Rambis. It was probably the best DIY venue of my time as far as just being a venue is concerned. We had so many good bands play there. We used it as a practice space for a while too. We shared it with this bogus band called Tab10. They were like if pantera were horrible, and at the same time, had just as big of egos, and tried to sound like saliva.
I think the biggest show at the Rambis was As I lay Dying. We played that. This room that hand standing room only for maybe 20 people suddenly had like 100 poeple in it. It was sweet. Disciple played there one time. We let the showdown borrow our van to take thier stuff over there for that show. Then they decided to cover our windows in disciple stickers. I was super pissed off about it. They also broke our window trying to get something out, Replaced it with plexi-glass, and said "dude that windows like 80 bux!" like we were the assholes for wanting it fixed... We were all kids, i would have done the same thing back then. If they had done it now, they would have fixed it, but back then we were all broke, always borrowing and breaking each other's shit. No hard feelings. It wasn't really a big deal, the plexi glass is still in the window. No skin off of my ass.
Toward the end of march, My life sucked, and i had had enough. I had a one hour lunch break. I used it to go get a thick burger, and drive to the lake, at the boat ramp, and enjoy the afternoon for a minute. There were poeple out on jet skis and shit like that. Everyone was so stoked on life, like high fiving and shit. I was stuck in a prison on planet bullshit. Where everyone was on pills and the Floor Manager wore slacks, a preformance fleece, and an ear piece, and he chewed his gum with his mouth open really obnoxiously. The cool guy/dave grohl chew, only this guy was a douchebag. I called my old boss at Steak Out. He said i could come back and work there if I wanted to. I went back in to work, Gave bubba my name tag and told him that i quit. I felt vindicated.
The next few months were kind of a blur, nothing really exciting. I hung out with Crystal Every day since we were engaged. Nothing was particularly different. In June I got an apartment that we were going to move into in july. I was making pretty good moneys at steak out.
The big day, July 24 2004 came as i was at the end of a 4 day party. First My bachelor party was IROM, Secret lives, and Showdown. It kicekd ass. Tarvo dressed up as a woman named "baby momma thong" He danced out on stage after one the bands and was intent on wierding me out/ embarassing me. I was fine untill he put his foot on the chair and he was really wearing a woman's thong, and his dick was hanging out of one side, his balls the other. Fucking wierd.
It was killer. That night i went home and forgot to do laundry, and/or make my bed.
Hey, Fuck Me, I know. But, I didn't know this would be a huge deal. I should have, but didn't. Our wedding ceremony was beautiful. The most beautiful girl in the world agreed to a Better or Worse marriage with a slacker, drunk, band loser. The fever played, it was awesome. I also changed into mesh shorts after the ceremony since it was balls hot outside, also apparently a bad move. Our car was covered in a reproductive diagram, and shit like that which was kind of a bummer. We left and crystal wanted to go by the hotel that i told her i cancelled my reservation for since we were leaving for our honeymoon the next morning. Like i said, i should have thought about it, but I didn't. She had to get something from one of our in-laws. When she came back out to the car, she had this really dissapointed face. We got home, and i realized that I had not even made the bed. Needless to say it bummed her out even more. She didn't act like it tho.
Our honeymoon was cool tho. We went to massenuten mountain resort. It was nice. It was good to get away for a little bit. I was ready to come back home after a few days, but it was nice.
I had all intentions of not really playing out of town shows anymore. Just focusing on being married and working and shit like that. Then Crystal told me that she didnt' really have ambition in life, and that i should go for it. So, i did. We booked a winter tour that year. It was pretty cool. We played in brigeport, Al. This kid Brent that lives there, dropkicked a guy for shoving his grandmother. Then he bought us all a unbelievable amount of Krystal burgers. We played in myrtle beach on new years eve. It was pretty cool, other than the fact that nobody would let us stay in thier hotel, and AAron was soft talking to his girlfriend all night, and It was pissing me off to no end. He then said. "jake i'm really tired of being in this van" I was so pissed i would have punched him in the face had i been sitting beside him. We finally stayed in a pretty sweet hotel with 2 rooms for like 30 bucks. We also ordered 2 pizzas from papa johns, and they were there in like 10 minutes. No Joke.
That night eric rogers found out that his woman, who had beend dragging him along for a few weeks and making him lose his shit at least once an hour, was moving on. He drank like 10 miller high life's at the show. Once we were in the hotel room, Rog was wil'in out and decided that he was going to go out on the balcony, facing the road, drop his pants, and shake his dick and balls at traffic. Timid eric rogers died that night. That re-planted the seed for that eventually sprouted to Rogers, Then Rawg, and now more affectionately The Rawg.
More to Come next week.
I had just started working at ACT in boones creek. That was a miserable place. I hated it more than mayonaise. I worked in Litton Loan Servicing, which wasn't bad. You just collected on past due mortgages. It was just being locked in a building with no sunlight, and surrounded by people who were miserable, I was miserable, IT was miserable. The only redeeming factor about the place was that Jon Weems lives close to the place. This began the years of EDS.
EDS was the Extreme Doom Squad. The origin of the name comes from a night at our practice space when i took colored tape and drew godzilla on our bass cab. Joey, then took the tape and wrote Extreem Doom. Then he Also put that on his bass drum. We then decided that Extreme doom squad kicked ass, so it was our new joke crew. Anyway, we hung out at jons house every single night, sometimes untill sun-up. It was fun. He is a killer guy, and one of my best friends to this day.
We played some shows at the hideaway, but mostly at the Rambis. It was probably the best DIY venue of my time as far as just being a venue is concerned. We had so many good bands play there. We used it as a practice space for a while too. We shared it with this bogus band called Tab10. They were like if pantera were horrible, and at the same time, had just as big of egos, and tried to sound like saliva.
I think the biggest show at the Rambis was As I lay Dying. We played that. This room that hand standing room only for maybe 20 people suddenly had like 100 poeple in it. It was sweet. Disciple played there one time. We let the showdown borrow our van to take thier stuff over there for that show. Then they decided to cover our windows in disciple stickers. I was super pissed off about it. They also broke our window trying to get something out, Replaced it with plexi-glass, and said "dude that windows like 80 bux!" like we were the assholes for wanting it fixed... We were all kids, i would have done the same thing back then. If they had done it now, they would have fixed it, but back then we were all broke, always borrowing and breaking each other's shit. No hard feelings. It wasn't really a big deal, the plexi glass is still in the window. No skin off of my ass.
Toward the end of march, My life sucked, and i had had enough. I had a one hour lunch break. I used it to go get a thick burger, and drive to the lake, at the boat ramp, and enjoy the afternoon for a minute. There were poeple out on jet skis and shit like that. Everyone was so stoked on life, like high fiving and shit. I was stuck in a prison on planet bullshit. Where everyone was on pills and the Floor Manager wore slacks, a preformance fleece, and an ear piece, and he chewed his gum with his mouth open really obnoxiously. The cool guy/dave grohl chew, only this guy was a douchebag. I called my old boss at Steak Out. He said i could come back and work there if I wanted to. I went back in to work, Gave bubba my name tag and told him that i quit. I felt vindicated.
The next few months were kind of a blur, nothing really exciting. I hung out with Crystal Every day since we were engaged. Nothing was particularly different. In June I got an apartment that we were going to move into in july. I was making pretty good moneys at steak out.
The big day, July 24 2004 came as i was at the end of a 4 day party. First My bachelor party was IROM, Secret lives, and Showdown. It kicekd ass. Tarvo dressed up as a woman named "baby momma thong" He danced out on stage after one the bands and was intent on wierding me out/ embarassing me. I was fine untill he put his foot on the chair and he was really wearing a woman's thong, and his dick was hanging out of one side, his balls the other. Fucking wierd.
It was killer. That night i went home and forgot to do laundry, and/or make my bed.
Hey, Fuck Me, I know. But, I didn't know this would be a huge deal. I should have, but didn't. Our wedding ceremony was beautiful. The most beautiful girl in the world agreed to a Better or Worse marriage with a slacker, drunk, band loser. The fever played, it was awesome. I also changed into mesh shorts after the ceremony since it was balls hot outside, also apparently a bad move. Our car was covered in a reproductive diagram, and shit like that which was kind of a bummer. We left and crystal wanted to go by the hotel that i told her i cancelled my reservation for since we were leaving for our honeymoon the next morning. Like i said, i should have thought about it, but I didn't. She had to get something from one of our in-laws. When she came back out to the car, she had this really dissapointed face. We got home, and i realized that I had not even made the bed. Needless to say it bummed her out even more. She didn't act like it tho.
Our honeymoon was cool tho. We went to massenuten mountain resort. It was nice. It was good to get away for a little bit. I was ready to come back home after a few days, but it was nice.
I had all intentions of not really playing out of town shows anymore. Just focusing on being married and working and shit like that. Then Crystal told me that she didnt' really have ambition in life, and that i should go for it. So, i did. We booked a winter tour that year. It was pretty cool. We played in brigeport, Al. This kid Brent that lives there, dropkicked a guy for shoving his grandmother. Then he bought us all a unbelievable amount of Krystal burgers. We played in myrtle beach on new years eve. It was pretty cool, other than the fact that nobody would let us stay in thier hotel, and AAron was soft talking to his girlfriend all night, and It was pissing me off to no end. He then said. "jake i'm really tired of being in this van" I was so pissed i would have punched him in the face had i been sitting beside him. We finally stayed in a pretty sweet hotel with 2 rooms for like 30 bucks. We also ordered 2 pizzas from papa johns, and they were there in like 10 minutes. No Joke.
That night eric rogers found out that his woman, who had beend dragging him along for a few weeks and making him lose his shit at least once an hour, was moving on. He drank like 10 miller high life's at the show. Once we were in the hotel room, Rog was wil'in out and decided that he was going to go out on the balcony, facing the road, drop his pants, and shake his dick and balls at traffic. Timid eric rogers died that night. That re-planted the seed for that eventually sprouted to Rogers, Then Rawg, and now more affectionately The Rawg.
More to Come next week.
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