In an attempt to find myself.

My generation can easily say that we have been the pampered generation of American History. Granted, every generation has its problems, and you can never really control the quality of a persons life when they have direct influence from parents, peers, etc. We haven't, yet, found our great depression that we have had to overcome. Today it is easier for us to go to college than it has ever been. In the past 15 years buying a home has been so easy, in fact, that in some cases people haven't even had to verify thier income to the bank or lender to recieve a home loan. We have the kids on free lunch programs at school who have an xbox360 and a plasma screen tv in thier homes. We as undeserving of a society as we are, have a certain quality of life that we expect to maintain even on the lowest levels of the social totem pole.

What is the outcome of all of this? We mature at a slower rate. We live with our parents way up into our 20's, we smoke and drink ourselves retarded, we go out on our own before we are ready, we blast through school with big heads and talk about how much money we are going to be making in a few years, or we live so recklessly that we crash and burn. Regardless at some point we hit a wall. Some go around it, some go over it, some go through it, then some of us sit down and put our backs to the wall. We watch our friends go by and wonder, how do I want to do this?

Our parents wanted to make our quality of life better than thiers were at our age. In doing this we were never taught that when we fall, sometimes we don't get back up right away. Suddenly we have to learn how to do things on our own. No one can really prepare you for the things that come at you in life, especially when everything has been as easy as most of us have had it. Its no great depression. For most of us its an experience that we cherish. Its something that we can use to reference from then on out.

When we realize that the values that we were raised on conflict with the person that we become we tend to go on our great journey to find ourselves in life. Many times these are become multiple pilgrimages. All of these bring us to where we either want to be, or end up being. With everything that I am blessed with, about twice a year I have the urge to sell everything, and move to some remote, out of the way place and live life at a different pace. Some of us go hitchhiking across the country, some of us party our lives away, some of us revert back to a minimalist attempt at survival and we hike, cycle, start bands and tour, join the armed forces, or cover our bodies with artwork, all for the thrill.

How many times have you heard a close friend who can't seem to get their shit together, inspite of a college degree, total capability, and a decent work ethic, tell you that they have to move away for a while to get some things worked out? My theory is that as human beings we require a certain level of stress and depression to motivate us to not be complacent. I whole heartedly support anybody who goes on thier own little pilgrimage to find themselves.

Above all, as I have said before, life itself is the most important part. Spring is here. Go to the river, or in the mountains, or your favorite place to be. If you want, play your favorite song. Close your eyes and relax yourself. Draw a mental image of what is around you. Breathe in deep through your nose, and when your lungs are bursting with air, record with all of your senses the place that makes you happy. Remember the smell, the song, the view, the air, remember everything. Dedicate that to memory. Remember what it was like to be alive. One of these days you will smell that same smell, hear that same song, or remember that same place, and all of your senses will take you back. Remember being alive. Above all thats the most important part.

I'm going to leave you with one of my favorites.
The year 2000, I had a Datsun 210 station wagon. It had a P.A. speaker in the back and a home stereo I ran off of batteries. I had Blink182 cheshire cat on tape that I bought from cats. My car had that old car mixed with fabreeze smell added to the heat from the engine that came through the vents. I can remember how hot that car was since it didn't have air conditioning and how we used to go to shows in that car 4 deep singing touchdown boy at the top of our lungs. That made me feel alive.