Days are getting shorter

I think we may offically be in the "dog days" of summer. I can never really remember when that is. I just know that its getting dark earlier. Soon it will be dark when I leave work, and I will wake up only 2 hours before work. This puts me at seeing daylight in the order of 9:40-9:52(drive to work), 11:30-11:45, 2:15- 2:45, and 4:30-4:45, A grand total of 1 hour and 12 minutes to feel the sun warm my bones and bring color to my face. Somehow the though of this lets my own demons creep on in. Suddenly there is a weight back on my shoulders that makes it harder to breathe. My motivation to enjoy what I have left of summer is killed by the thought that in a few weeks it will be over, and my weekly fishing trip will ultimatly turn into my weekly trip to the bar to drink, and bitch about my job and family to my friends, even though I love both.

I don't know why, in spite of my own effords to not fall into it, a certain darkness has consumed much of my thought process and at times my attitude and overall existance. Its a wierd mix of melancholy, hatred, and worry. I see it all around me in the faces of my friends, strangers, and pseudo enemies. Two and three years ago we were all happy go lucky. We weren't super posi, but nobody had this flavor of darkness to them.

I saw Pillarist for the first time on wed. Killer band, they were awesome for thier first show. Luke has great stage presence, and a great voice. The bands music has a shai hulud-esque intensity which I love in a band. Luke's last words of the set were "God Damn Me" Luke and I aren't best buds, but I know how much he pours into what he writes. It hit me like a ton of bricks, and made me hurt for him. Art in any form is meant to envoke emotion. If it does evoke emotion then it has fufilled its porpose. It kills me though. Is my generation going to swim in this cesspool of self loathing and depression untill we self Destruct?

I have no light at the end of the tunnel. I cannot say that I do not have have unwarranted hatred for everyone that keeps an unprovoked smile on thier faces from time to time. I have such a strong love for all of my friends and my family and humanity in general, but with that, I have my own demons that I fight. I will do what I to keep them at bay, so I can be there for anyone who needs me at any time. To truly be a drink of water to a world of bitter tongues. In the mean time I will struggle with my own faith, the one thing that I doubt on a daily basis, that I say i believe in, and that i say i do not believe in, sometimes is the only thing that is real to me.

Man made Religion, and by God, Religion has failed. God Created faith, Faith will prevail.