Remember back when you were a new comer to whatever it is you do now? Your first day on the job, the first show you booked, the first time you kissed a girl/guy, went to a big concert, tried to find your class in a new school, got your drivers liscense, or cashed your first paycheck?
This is all trivial stuff to you at one point. After a while it becomes routine and the new wears off, and your pulse doesn't increase at the thought of it. That doesn't take away from the fact that all of these things are important aspects of your everyday life, they just take the backseat to the stress and responsibility that we take on as we get older.
The person i have to take my hat off to for taking it so easy is Marcus. That guy is one of my favorite people out. He is probably one of the best musicians in the area, he has never wanted to be in a big touring band, or be that serious with his music. Honestly I think that he has gained more enjoyment out of playing music than anyone else because of this. He still skateboards, plays four square, and all around just hangs out the same way that I did when I was a younger guy. The thing is, he has his shit together better than most other people do. I have to applaud him for that.
I have recently started fishing more often like I did when i was a kid. Every day that I can I go to the lake. Its not that i plan on landing the big one. I have a special sense of solitude when i go out. I don't have to think about anything, and I get to soak up the sun for just a little bit. That makes me feel great. I work 40 hours inside a call center. I smell stale recycled air all day long. I don't sweat, I don't freeze, i stay at a perfect core temperature. Its nice, don't get me wrong, but I feel locked in sometimes. Being outside golfing, fishing, riding my bicycle, whatever makes me feel human. I suggest it.
I guess what i'm getting at today is, to my group of friends and others, What did you love to do when it was just you. Before we started enjoying staying out late and drinking our livers out, and smoking our memory away? What did you love before you had to clean up and start chasing girls/guys. What did you love when it was just you and you weren't a part of something bigger? Before hanging out meant going to amigo and eating a plate of nachos and telling shitty jokes to each other?
Think of this, remember when we didn't have many good shows here? Remember one out of 3 of your friends had a reliable car? Remember everyone piling in to that one car and driving to charlotte to see Bleeding Through, and Walls of Jericho? It was fun, driving with the windows down, the sun beating in. Or there being that one fest out of the year that you saved your dollars for and driving 8-12 hours to go to Cornerstone, Hellfest, New England M/hc fest. These are a few things i can think of off the top of my head. Either way, this was before we stayed out all night and partied constantly. It was less stressful. I had more hair, Girls weren't crying everywhere we went for no reason. It reminds me of my youth.
There is nothing wrong with where we are today. We, for the most part, still embrace our youth. This town has so much more to do in it now than it ever has before. I do, however, have a request for you. Only you will be the one who has something to gain from it. This year, i don't care how busy you are. Take time to think about what you love to do that is outside of your norm now. Go fishing, Go hiking, take a road trip, plan a cookout, go to a swimming hole. Have a LAN party, whatever. We live in such a beautiful part of the country there is no reason to stay couped up in a house unless you just absolutely hate nature. Do something you love.
We see in three dimensions, but how many angles? If your life were a movie, and every scene had a different camera taking shots from a different angle, How much of it would you be able to watch without falling asleep? If the movie were called "Life" would it be an oxymoron? Would you find that you aren't living at all? How big would the cast be? How many charachters would have a big role? How many other movies would you have a big role in?
How many of these would you have a "walk on part, in a background shot of a movie you're not in?"
Life is the most important part.
Second is how you live it.
I get by with a little help from my friends.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Saturday, April 18, 2009
iron sharpens iron
We all like to think that we would go out on a limb and help out anyone in need. Especially our friends. If you are anything like me, you hold your true friends close to your heart as if they were you brother or sister, and your aquaintences you view as friends that you aren't that close to, but would still help them however you possibly could at any time. Sometimes bridges are burned, and you don't speak for a while. This ultimately comes full circle when you decide at one point that you either don't need the baggage of that person, or you decide that they are important enough to you to make amends any means neccesary.
One example I have involves one of the poeple that I have been close to for almost 10 years now. In 2005 or 06 we had a falling out that was horrible. Some things that didn't involve him built up to a point where, since we hadn't been honest with each other and discussed the matter at hand for one reason or another, he was forced to choose sides on something that, had I been in his shoes I would have done the same thing, and had he been in my shoes he would have probably reacted the same way. In a total moment of anger and frustration I attacked everything that made him the person that I honestly loved him for being. That night was the last time we spoke untill, I guess, January of 2008. Through bull headedness, I lost 2 years with one of my best friends in life. We still aren't as close as we used to be, that hurts my soul.
On another level, however, you have to ask yourself how far would you go for a friend. How badly would you inconvenience yourself? Dan Erb, even though he is a hot head, is the most outgoing person I've ever met that was sincere about it. One time a few years ago, on a night that he should have gone to bed early because he had to work the next morning at like 7, he decided it would be a better idea to throw a birthday party for a couple of girls that we are friends with. After all those chicks got good and loaded we all decided to go home. I lived all the way on the west side of town, and he lived on the southeast side. Well, I ran out of gas like a mile from my house. Dan, at 3 a.m. drives over to where i'm broke down. Then, stays with my zombie drunk wife while I take his car to the gas station to get gas. I get back and he's holding her hair back while she's throwing up. Never one time did he say, you owe me one.
Here's where it gets tricky. 7 years ago when i had my first place, I would have let anybody stay with me that needed to. Wether or not i knew them that well, If they needed a place to crash, I would have offered it. As I got older, I gained more responsibility, and less room in my places. I would still let most bands stay with me if they needed it, or friends that were traveling through, but I couldn't offer anything to just anyone. Now with a wife and a child, and after being burned by people who have stayed with me in the past, I get antsy when people are at my house for more than like an hour or so at a time other than Rogers or Joey or any of my crew of friends. I also find myself with less time to be able to directly help people right away when they need it. I can always talk, but I can't always meet up somewhere, or come get people. Honestly most of my friends never ask.
Is it normal to become more of an intravert the older you get? Is it progression of human beings to go back into the coccoon? The older I get, the more I hold dear the few times that I do get to hang out and act like a kid. Now, moreso than ever, I feel like I live a double life. By day i'm a working father. I go to the grocery store, I work on my budget, I mow the yard, I cook dinner and take care of my little girl. Then every couple of weeks I get to be, for a couple of hours, an obnoxious drunk punk kid that I love to be. Both of these guys are the real me, how is that possible? I have alot more fun with my friends now too. I feel like I'm closer to alot of people than I ever have been. I guess they remind me of the things I love in life that aren't a part of me as a family man.
People give kids shit about how "it doesn't matter, in 2 years you'll be gone, and the hardcore scene will still be here, and i will still be here". I get frustrated when I see that. I know however, the reason this is said isn't because of something as miniscule as a simple show, with a band singing about stuff you agree with, its the fact that the comradery that comes with the sing-a-longs and the relationships that are built with the kids that attend can change like the wind. Its hard to put alot of stock in someone that is going to ride the tailcoat of whatever new trend they find and assemble a new entourage of friends with it. Nobody is going to tell you that, but deep down, the older guys that hang out are just sick of having to actively meet new friends ever 2 or three years. Being skeptical of new people is a defense against being let down.
I've been a good friend to alot of people, I think. I have also been a shitty friend to people and, at times, haven't went out of my way for the people that i really care about, and should go that extra mile for. This week, take some time to sit and think about what you could do to be a better friend to someone. Think about how much everybody that you love truely means to you.
Our only necessities in life are
Food
Clothing
Shelter.
You can get by on that, but it will be long and drawn out. Especially when you can get by with a little help from your friends.
The most important is life itself. Second in line is how you live it.
John Gibson, Joey, Eric, Brian, Dan, Tarvo, Wes, Ben, Derek, Chris, Will
This one's for you.
One example I have involves one of the poeple that I have been close to for almost 10 years now. In 2005 or 06 we had a falling out that was horrible. Some things that didn't involve him built up to a point where, since we hadn't been honest with each other and discussed the matter at hand for one reason or another, he was forced to choose sides on something that, had I been in his shoes I would have done the same thing, and had he been in my shoes he would have probably reacted the same way. In a total moment of anger and frustration I attacked everything that made him the person that I honestly loved him for being. That night was the last time we spoke untill, I guess, January of 2008. Through bull headedness, I lost 2 years with one of my best friends in life. We still aren't as close as we used to be, that hurts my soul.
On another level, however, you have to ask yourself how far would you go for a friend. How badly would you inconvenience yourself? Dan Erb, even though he is a hot head, is the most outgoing person I've ever met that was sincere about it. One time a few years ago, on a night that he should have gone to bed early because he had to work the next morning at like 7, he decided it would be a better idea to throw a birthday party for a couple of girls that we are friends with. After all those chicks got good and loaded we all decided to go home. I lived all the way on the west side of town, and he lived on the southeast side. Well, I ran out of gas like a mile from my house. Dan, at 3 a.m. drives over to where i'm broke down. Then, stays with my zombie drunk wife while I take his car to the gas station to get gas. I get back and he's holding her hair back while she's throwing up. Never one time did he say, you owe me one.
Here's where it gets tricky. 7 years ago when i had my first place, I would have let anybody stay with me that needed to. Wether or not i knew them that well, If they needed a place to crash, I would have offered it. As I got older, I gained more responsibility, and less room in my places. I would still let most bands stay with me if they needed it, or friends that were traveling through, but I couldn't offer anything to just anyone. Now with a wife and a child, and after being burned by people who have stayed with me in the past, I get antsy when people are at my house for more than like an hour or so at a time other than Rogers or Joey or any of my crew of friends. I also find myself with less time to be able to directly help people right away when they need it. I can always talk, but I can't always meet up somewhere, or come get people. Honestly most of my friends never ask.
Is it normal to become more of an intravert the older you get? Is it progression of human beings to go back into the coccoon? The older I get, the more I hold dear the few times that I do get to hang out and act like a kid. Now, moreso than ever, I feel like I live a double life. By day i'm a working father. I go to the grocery store, I work on my budget, I mow the yard, I cook dinner and take care of my little girl. Then every couple of weeks I get to be, for a couple of hours, an obnoxious drunk punk kid that I love to be. Both of these guys are the real me, how is that possible? I have alot more fun with my friends now too. I feel like I'm closer to alot of people than I ever have been. I guess they remind me of the things I love in life that aren't a part of me as a family man.
People give kids shit about how "it doesn't matter, in 2 years you'll be gone, and the hardcore scene will still be here, and i will still be here". I get frustrated when I see that. I know however, the reason this is said isn't because of something as miniscule as a simple show, with a band singing about stuff you agree with, its the fact that the comradery that comes with the sing-a-longs and the relationships that are built with the kids that attend can change like the wind. Its hard to put alot of stock in someone that is going to ride the tailcoat of whatever new trend they find and assemble a new entourage of friends with it. Nobody is going to tell you that, but deep down, the older guys that hang out are just sick of having to actively meet new friends ever 2 or three years. Being skeptical of new people is a defense against being let down.
I've been a good friend to alot of people, I think. I have also been a shitty friend to people and, at times, haven't went out of my way for the people that i really care about, and should go that extra mile for. This week, take some time to sit and think about what you could do to be a better friend to someone. Think about how much everybody that you love truely means to you.
Our only necessities in life are
Food
Clothing
Shelter.
You can get by on that, but it will be long and drawn out. Especially when you can get by with a little help from your friends.
The most important is life itself. Second in line is how you live it.
John Gibson, Joey, Eric, Brian, Dan, Tarvo, Wes, Ben, Derek, Chris, Will
This one's for you.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
In an attempt to find myself.
My generation can easily say that we have been the pampered generation of American History. Granted, every generation has its problems, and you can never really control the quality of a persons life when they have direct influence from parents, peers, etc. We haven't, yet, found our great depression that we have had to overcome. Today it is easier for us to go to college than it has ever been. In the past 15 years buying a home has been so easy, in fact, that in some cases people haven't even had to verify thier income to the bank or lender to recieve a home loan. We have the kids on free lunch programs at school who have an xbox360 and a plasma screen tv in thier homes. We as undeserving of a society as we are, have a certain quality of life that we expect to maintain even on the lowest levels of the social totem pole.
What is the outcome of all of this? We mature at a slower rate. We live with our parents way up into our 20's, we smoke and drink ourselves retarded, we go out on our own before we are ready, we blast through school with big heads and talk about how much money we are going to be making in a few years, or we live so recklessly that we crash and burn. Regardless at some point we hit a wall. Some go around it, some go over it, some go through it, then some of us sit down and put our backs to the wall. We watch our friends go by and wonder, how do I want to do this?
Our parents wanted to make our quality of life better than thiers were at our age. In doing this we were never taught that when we fall, sometimes we don't get back up right away. Suddenly we have to learn how to do things on our own. No one can really prepare you for the things that come at you in life, especially when everything has been as easy as most of us have had it. Its no great depression. For most of us its an experience that we cherish. Its something that we can use to reference from then on out.
When we realize that the values that we were raised on conflict with the person that we become we tend to go on our great journey to find ourselves in life. Many times these are become multiple pilgrimages. All of these bring us to where we either want to be, or end up being. With everything that I am blessed with, about twice a year I have the urge to sell everything, and move to some remote, out of the way place and live life at a different pace. Some of us go hitchhiking across the country, some of us party our lives away, some of us revert back to a minimalist attempt at survival and we hike, cycle, start bands and tour, join the armed forces, or cover our bodies with artwork, all for the thrill.
How many times have you heard a close friend who can't seem to get their shit together, inspite of a college degree, total capability, and a decent work ethic, tell you that they have to move away for a while to get some things worked out? My theory is that as human beings we require a certain level of stress and depression to motivate us to not be complacent. I whole heartedly support anybody who goes on thier own little pilgrimage to find themselves.
Above all, as I have said before, life itself is the most important part. Spring is here. Go to the river, or in the mountains, or your favorite place to be. If you want, play your favorite song. Close your eyes and relax yourself. Draw a mental image of what is around you. Breathe in deep through your nose, and when your lungs are bursting with air, record with all of your senses the place that makes you happy. Remember the smell, the song, the view, the air, remember everything. Dedicate that to memory. Remember what it was like to be alive. One of these days you will smell that same smell, hear that same song, or remember that same place, and all of your senses will take you back. Remember being alive. Above all thats the most important part.
I'm going to leave you with one of my favorites.
The year 2000, I had a Datsun 210 station wagon. It had a P.A. speaker in the back and a home stereo I ran off of batteries. I had Blink182 cheshire cat on tape that I bought from cats. My car had that old car mixed with fabreeze smell added to the heat from the engine that came through the vents. I can remember how hot that car was since it didn't have air conditioning and how we used to go to shows in that car 4 deep singing touchdown boy at the top of our lungs. That made me feel alive.
What is the outcome of all of this? We mature at a slower rate. We live with our parents way up into our 20's, we smoke and drink ourselves retarded, we go out on our own before we are ready, we blast through school with big heads and talk about how much money we are going to be making in a few years, or we live so recklessly that we crash and burn. Regardless at some point we hit a wall. Some go around it, some go over it, some go through it, then some of us sit down and put our backs to the wall. We watch our friends go by and wonder, how do I want to do this?
Our parents wanted to make our quality of life better than thiers were at our age. In doing this we were never taught that when we fall, sometimes we don't get back up right away. Suddenly we have to learn how to do things on our own. No one can really prepare you for the things that come at you in life, especially when everything has been as easy as most of us have had it. Its no great depression. For most of us its an experience that we cherish. Its something that we can use to reference from then on out.
When we realize that the values that we were raised on conflict with the person that we become we tend to go on our great journey to find ourselves in life. Many times these are become multiple pilgrimages. All of these bring us to where we either want to be, or end up being. With everything that I am blessed with, about twice a year I have the urge to sell everything, and move to some remote, out of the way place and live life at a different pace. Some of us go hitchhiking across the country, some of us party our lives away, some of us revert back to a minimalist attempt at survival and we hike, cycle, start bands and tour, join the armed forces, or cover our bodies with artwork, all for the thrill.
How many times have you heard a close friend who can't seem to get their shit together, inspite of a college degree, total capability, and a decent work ethic, tell you that they have to move away for a while to get some things worked out? My theory is that as human beings we require a certain level of stress and depression to motivate us to not be complacent. I whole heartedly support anybody who goes on thier own little pilgrimage to find themselves.
Above all, as I have said before, life itself is the most important part. Spring is here. Go to the river, or in the mountains, or your favorite place to be. If you want, play your favorite song. Close your eyes and relax yourself. Draw a mental image of what is around you. Breathe in deep through your nose, and when your lungs are bursting with air, record with all of your senses the place that makes you happy. Remember the smell, the song, the view, the air, remember everything. Dedicate that to memory. Remember what it was like to be alive. One of these days you will smell that same smell, hear that same song, or remember that same place, and all of your senses will take you back. Remember being alive. Above all thats the most important part.
I'm going to leave you with one of my favorites.
The year 2000, I had a Datsun 210 station wagon. It had a P.A. speaker in the back and a home stereo I ran off of batteries. I had Blink182 cheshire cat on tape that I bought from cats. My car had that old car mixed with fabreeze smell added to the heat from the engine that came through the vents. I can remember how hot that car was since it didn't have air conditioning and how we used to go to shows in that car 4 deep singing touchdown boy at the top of our lungs. That made me feel alive.
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